


Lost and Found

by fbi_woman



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Consensual Sex, Drunk Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, Personal Growth, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-13 16:20:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 22,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14116206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fbi_woman/pseuds/fbi_woman
Summary: Will Abby really find herself in Ireland? Picks up after 1x10. Abby/Buck.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’m pretty depressed about her leaving lol. Hoping I’m not the only one. I’m not really one for writing big story arcs, so this will probably move quite quickly and not end up being super long, but tbh, I’m kind of flying by the seat of my pants here. I don’t have this one all planned out and pre-written like the last one. As a result, there may be some chapter revisions along the way, but if I do need to upload a revision, I’ll mention it in the A/N of the newest chapter. Additional disclaimer: I have never been to Ireland so my info is largely based on google and what I remember from travel school almost 10 years ago lol.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own 9-1-1 or any of its characters or anything associated with it, not affiliated with Fox, yadda yadda yadda. I’m a nobody with nothing.

* * *

 

The first 24 hours were a whirlwind for Abby. The flight alone was over 10 hours, and by the time she was checked in and unpacked at her hotel in Dublin, afternoon was turning to evening and she was exhausted. She hadn’t been able to get much sleep on the plane. The biggest drawback of a last minute ticket, aside from the price, was limited seat selection; it was almost impossible to fall asleep in the middle seat. The big comfy bed was calling her name, but in the interest of combatting jet lag, she instead grabbed her coat and headed out for a walk. Hopefully she would find a nice little place to get dinner, and then she would head to bed early. She could have asked the front desk for suggestions but she was here to explore, after all, so no time like the present to begin.

It was a beautiful city. It still had the bustle of metropolitan centre, but it had that unique combination of old and new that you often only find in Europe. It was really exciting to be in a new city again, it had been so long since she had been anywhere. There’s just a rejuvenating energy about seeing a place for the first time, like stepping out into another world where everyone is a stranger and anything is possible. No one here knew her; there was no pre-existing notion of who or what she should be, and that meant she could be anyone or anything she wanted to be. _Yes_ , she thought, _this is exactly what I need_.

There were an abundance of pubs and cafes within a short walk of the hotel, most of which were filling up already. The air was filled with the sounds of laughter and chatter, clinking glasses, and some music filtering through from a nearby busker and his guitar. She managed to find a seat in the back corner of one of the pubs and settled in for some people watching while she waited for her food. The time change was starting to hit her hard though, and soon she was struggling just to stay awake while she ate. Thankfully she found her way back to the hotel fairly easily; she wasn’t sure she would have been able to follow directions at this point. She had every intention of texting Buck before she turned in for the night, but she fell asleep almost immediately upon reaching the bed… still in her clothes, and her phone in her hand.

* * *

The first 24 hours were torture for Buck. It was like his whole world had been turned upside down in the blink of an eye. It felt like one minute they were talking about him moving in, and the next she was gone. He was actually staying at her place while she was gone. She couldn’t get out of her lease on short notice, and half his things were already there, so it seemed to make sense at the time. Now he wasn’t so sure. He couldn’t really picture going back to his old place; the rowdy game days and all-night parties just didn’t feel like him anymore. But being here without her was hard. Just getting out of bed in the morning had been hard when the sheets and pillows smelled like her. He couldn’t blame it all on the apartment though; he thought about her all the time, no matter where he was. It just didn’t feel real. She couldn’t really be gone, with no return date to speak of. How was he supposed to just continue on like nothing had changed, when he didn’t know when, or if, he would ever see her again? She said she would be back, but what if she loved Ireland so much that she changed her mind? He wished he had told her he loved her before she left. He could say it now, but it wasn’t the same over the phone.

“Do you think I should call her?”

Hen, Chimney, and Bobby all rolled their eyes.

“What?”

Chim sighed. “Buck, you’ve already asked us that 10 times today, and we’ve given you the same answer every single time. Do you _really_ think it’s going to be different this time?”

“No… I just hate feeling like there’s nothing I can do.”

“We get it, but there really isn’t anything you can do about this”, Hen said gently.

“You’re sure I shouldn’t at least text her?”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “Buck, if getting on a plane isn’t a sure fire sign that a woman needs some space, I don’t know what is.”

She had him there.

“It hasn’t even been a full day yet,” Bobby added, “give it a little longer. She’s probably just getting settled in. If you still haven’t heard from her in a couple days, _then_ check in with her. Don’t go overboard though; just a short message to make sure she’s okay. She’ll come to you when she’s ready.”

He knew they were right, but that didn’t make it any easier to wait. Whether it was true or not, with every hour he didn’t hear from her, it felt like she was slipping a little further away.

By the end of his shift, he was contemplating leaving his phone in his locker overnight so he couldn’t call her. But then what if she called him and he didn’t answer? He couldn’t take that chance. Maybe there was an app he could download that would shut down his phone if he tried to call or text a certain number. This whole thing was a novel experience for him: he was usually the one who never called, not the one anxiously waiting for the phone to ring. But he had also never been in love before. He hadn’t gone this long without seeing or talking to Abby in weeks, and he hadn’t realized just how integral she had become to his everyday life. This trip was important to her, and he knew he needed to respect that, but he had definitely underestimated how empty his days would feel without her. And it was only the end of Day 1.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned I hate writing without a plan? Because I do. I’m not sure why I did this to myself. As a heads up, I’m not going to spend TOO much time on the touristy side of Abby’s trip, just because I’m more of a concise, get-to-the-point kind of writer. Thus, as with my previous multi-chap, a lot will be glossed over. That being said, this particular chapter is basically fluff lol. I was away most of this weekend with my university equestrian team so I don’t have the level of focus I need for anything too significant lol.

* * *

 

Abby blinked against the harsh sunlight already streaming through her hotel window. Was it morning already? The clock on the nightstand read 7:25, so she supposed it was. She must have been really tired, because she didn’t even remember coming back to her room last night. That’s when she realized she was still wearing her clothes from the night before. Yep, _really_ tired. A shower and a change of clothes were definitely in order before she went downstairs for breakfast. She was just about to get out of bed when she spotted her phone off to one side. _Her phone! Shit!_ She had promised to text Buck when she got settled to let him know she arrived okay, and she couldn’t remember if she had. A quick check confirmed that no, she had not. Hopefully he hadn’t been too worried… who was she kidding? He was definitely worried. She was actually a little surprised she didn’t have a concerned message from him, but then she smiled ruefully, _I bet they told him not to_ _panic_. The only people who knew Buck better than her were his coworkers.

 It was after midnight at home and she didn’t want to wake him if he left his phone on, but she also didn’t want to risk forgetting again. He would probably prefer being woken up, she decided.

[Text] _Hey, sorry it took me so long to msg. Jet lag. Made it in one piece :)_

 It didn’t seem like enough, but she wasn’t sure what else to say. She decided to send that for now, and she would call him in a day or two when she had some stories to tell. It was a little strange, after how close they had been since her mom passed, to not see or talk to him for this long. But to find yourself, you have to step out on your own, right?

And that’s exactly what she would do today. After breakfast, she was going to grab some brochures from the lobby and start planning the next few days. She wanted to space out the big attractions a little bit to leave herself lots of time to just get lost and really experience the city, not just the sights. 

* * *

That morning, Buck was beyond relieved to wake up to a text from Abby, even if it was pretty brief. He knew it was silly, but it felt reassuring just to see her name pop up on his phone. God this was going to be a long couple of months. Maybe she would change her mind and come home sooner? He could only hope. Even though this wasn’t a break up, it still hurt like hell on his end.

[Text] _Glad to hear it. Have fun, keep me posted!_

Was a day and a half too soon to say he missed her? It probably was. Bobby said don’t go overboard, so he would wait a little longer to say that. This wasn’t about him; it was about her. He needed to be strong and supportive while she put herself back together.

Three days passed before he heard from her again, and he was pretty sure the entire firehouse would be relieved that she called. He may or may not have spent the previous day’s shift debating if _he_ should call _her_. Abby sounded great, he hadn’t heard her this excited about something in a long time. The first day she had done a walking tour that took her to Trinity College to see the Book of Kells exhibition, Dublin Castle, and St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Yesterday she spent the entire day exploring Phoenix Park, including a stop at Farmleigh house, and today she had gone back to check out the zoo.

“I just can’t look at tigers the same way anymore, you know?”

“I think hearing a guy get mauled by one would do that to anyone,” he said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she agreed. “Speaking of crazy calls, anything exciting happen while I’ve been gone?”

“Well, I had what was described as a ‘baby’ trapped inside a piano… turns out it was the lady’s cat that fell inside her grand piano when it was propped open. She said it was her ‘fur baby’. I also had a guy in a koala suit stuck in a tree, but that was about it. Everything else was pretty routine.”

“A koala suit?” she asked with a laugh.

“Apparently it was a promotion for something. He wasn’t actually supposed to climb the tree; he just thought it would attract more attention. Zipper on the head got stuck and he couldn’t get it off to see his way down.”

“How did he call 911 with the suit on?”

“He didn’t,” Buck answered. “His girlfriend got worried when he was late coming home from work and she couldn’t get a hold of him. She tracked him down and called it in.”

“Good thing she went looking. Are you working today?”

“Nope, I have today off.”

“Any plans?”

“Not really. Just heading to the gym, not sure what I’ll do later. What about you?”

“It’s dinner time here,” she said, “so I’m probably just going to grab something and head to bed, I want to get an early start tomorrow.”

“What’s up tomorrow?”

“National Museum, and then the Guinness Storehouse later on.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“Hopefully. Those are the last couple things on my sightseeing list, so after that I can just kind of… hang out, and see where the day takes me, I guess.”

“You’re going to stay in Dublin for a while then?” He had secretly been hoping she would work her way through the country somewhat quicker than expected and be on her way home.

“Yeah I think so… why, you miss me already?”

_Busted_. “Maybe a little bit,” he admitted. “It’s just a little weird being here without you.”

“You don’t have to stay there if you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that… I mean it’s weird not seeing you.”

“Yeah… it’s weird not seeing you too.”

“I guess I’ll get used to it; it’s only been a couple days.”

“Don’t get _too_ used to it,” she teased.

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that.”

Then there was a pause, and neither was sure where to go from there.

Abby was the one to break the silence. “Well, I should probably get going, the pubs will be getting busy now.”

“Okay. I’m glad you called.”

“I’ll try to check in every few days.”

“Sounds good.”

They said their goodbyes, and Buck reluctantly ended the call. He missed her far more than he was willing to admit. _Don’t get too used to it_ – that would get him through the next few days. She still wanted to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The koala suit thing is based on something I actually saw one time when I was on a sightseeing bus in Australia lol. I actually have a picture of him up there. That guy didn’t actually need help getting down, but it was the weirdest thing I could think of to work with... I’m not the most creative idea generator lol.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m starting to hit a wall with this lol but I’m gonna try to power through. Hopefully it doesn’t get too boring. I’m a little stressed about it, not gonna lie.

* * *

 

It had been 3 days since Abby had last called Buck. She was originally planning to call him tonight but she texted to ask if he would be around and unfortunately he was going to be working, so she would call in the morning (or evening, at home) tomorrow instead. Her museum day had been nice, and on a whim she had booked a day trip to Giant’s Causeway for the following day, so today had been her first true “free” day. It was a little strange not having a plan; it wasn’t something she typically did. She had never been much of a ‘where the wind takes me’ kind of person, but she wanted to try. It seemed like a more light-spirited way to live, and she wanted to get back more of her light.

She had eaten dinner at the hotel restaurant tonight, but decided she would go out for a drink. Again, not something she did very often, but when in Rome, right? There was a pretty popular bar a couple blocks away, so she headed there. She wanted somewhere loud and lively, even if she would be alone. It was the atmosphere she was after. It was fairly busy at this point in the evening but the wait to get in wasn’t long, and soon she had managed to procure a seat at the bar. After nearly an hour of nursing her drink, she was about to pack it in for the night, but just before she got up, an attractive middle-aged man approached her.

“Hi there.” 

She smiled politely, “hi.”

“Forgive me if I’m being presumptuous, but it looks like you’re here alone. I came over to see if you’d like to join me and my mates for a pint,” he said, gesturing towards a table with another man and three women. “My name’s Darragh, by the way.”

She hesitated for a second before deciding to accept the invitation. Darragh went around the table and introduced her to everyone: Shannon, Cait, Darragh’s cousin Connor, and Connor’s girlfriend Alanna. _Where the wind takes me_ , she reminded herself. It would be nice to meet some locals.

It turned out to be a great decision. They were a great group and the time flew by, laughing and talking. Before she knew it, it was well after midnight and they were all pretty buzzed. She couldn’t remember the last time she had just gone out and had fun with some friends. Actually, when she thought about it, she didn’t really _have_ any friends anymore. Between work and caring for her mom, she hadn’t had much free time and sort of drifted away from her friends. Really, she hadn’t even been getting out of the house very much until Buck and Carla came along. They were basically the only friends she had now. And would she even see Carla anymore? Maybe she should reach out when she got home, see if they could stay friends. Friends definitely needed to become a priority again. Without meaning to, she had essentially isolated herself, and that needed to change.

It was getting late and they were all preparing to go their separate ways but Darragh insisted that someone make sure Abby got back to her hotel okay. Normally she would have protested, but it was much darker now and she didn’t exactly have her wits about her. Cait’s bus stopped right near the hotel, so she volunteered to be Abby’s escort.

Once they had rounded the corner, Cait spoke up. “So, I know you’re not sure how long you’re going to stay, but just so you know, Darragh’s single. I think he has a glad eye for you.”

“A what?”

Cait chuckled, “it means he has a thing for you." 

“ _Ohh_ … actually, I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh! Sorry about that. Is he coming to join you then?”

“No, this trip was something I wanted to do alone.”

Cait looked skeptical. “And he’s okay with you staying however long you want?”

“Yeah, I think so. He’s really great, he’s been so understanding and supportive with my mom and everything.”

“Sounds like a keeper to me. Does he work with you?”

“We met through work but no, he’s a firefighter.”

“Ooo a firefighter! Is he hot? Do you have a picture?”

Abby laughed, pulling one up on her phone and handing it over. After taking a few more steps, she realized Cait wasn’t beside her anymore. Looking back, she saw her gaping at the phone.

“ _This_ is your boyfriend? Holy shit. How the hell did you manage to walk away from _that_?”

“I know; I’m crazy, right?”

“Totally mad. I’d put a ring on that if I were you.”

“We’re not there yet. It’s only been a few months, actually.”

“Well I hope it works out for you, sounds like a keeper.”

“Yeah, he is,” Abby agreed with a smile. Maybe she would FaceTime with him tomorrow instead of just call. Suddenly she _really_ wanted to see him.

Just then they arrived at Abby’s hotel, and Cait turned to face her.

“Here’s your phone back. I put my number in it, hope that’s okay. Give me a ring if you need anything or you want to come out with us again.”

“Okay, thanks." 

“No bother. Nice meeting you!”

“You too, and thanks for walking me back.”

Before she went to bed, Abby made sure she set the alarm on her phone to get up and call Buck. If she wasn’t up early, it would be too late to call. And she was really missing him tonight. 

* * *

It was 11pm on the dot when Buck’s phone rang. He had been looking forward to this all day and was even happier to see it was a facetime call.

“Hey,” she greeted him with a sleepy smile.

“Hey… you okay?”

She laughed softly. “I might be a little hung-over.”

“Wait, I missed seeing you drunk?”

“I wasn’t drunk, I was just… almost drunk.”

“Uh huh.” He didn’t look convinced.

“ _Anyways_ , how have you been?”

“Good, I guess. Nothing eventful to report. What about you? Other than your big night out.”

“Ha, ha. I went to see Giant’s Causeway but that’s about it,” she replied, stifling a yawn.

“Abbs, why don’t you go back to bed? You can call me back tonight, I don’t work early tomorrow.” As much as he wanted to talk to her, she looked exhausted.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“You’re so great… I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Get some more sleep, we’ll talk later.”

The call may have been short, but he still fell asleep with a smile on his face. _She missed him too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this was like stereotypically Irish or not even remotely Irish lol, making google sound realistic can be tricky. Also, as a heads up, happy fluffy time is coming to a close; time to step up the drama a notch. As always though, I promise a happy ending.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So idk what y’all are gonna think about the turn this is taking, but hopefully you’ll come along for the ride. I’m developing a vision for it that I personally think is a realistic possibility (not likely in terms of the show, but possible) and it may not be what you’re expecting. But I have to write it how I see it.

* * *

 

Abby lay in bed and stared out the hotel window at the gray, rainy day outside. It looked so dreary that she didn’t even want to get up. Maybe that wasn’t _really_ the weather’s fault though; she had found herself feeling that way for the past couple days. She had been ‘planless’ in Dublin for well over a week now, and the novelty had worn off. Most of the day she just wandered aimlessly, feeling slightly useless. Then in the evening, she would camp out alone in a pub with a Guinness or a glass of wine. Was it bad that she didn’t seem to know how to do nothing? No work, no groceries to do or errands to run, no one waiting for her at home, nowhere she had to be. It was weird, and she had given it a good try, but she still didn’t like it. It wasn’t like her to not have a _purpose_. But maybe that was the problem? Maybe she was just so used to defining herself based on her purpose that she didn’t know who she was without one? Did that even make sense?

She had considered calling Cait the other day to see if the group was going out any time soon, but had changed her mind at the last minute. She decided she wouldn’t be good company right now; she just didn’t feel like herself. It wasn’t like her to get down or feel listless, and she wasn’t sure she could put on a convincing smile right now. In fact, she was starting to doubt this whole plan. She thought being here would make her happy, and at first it had, but now she just felt lost. And that thought seemed counterproductive, because the whole point of coming was to find herself again. Perhaps she was just a little lonely. After all, she wasn’t used to travelling alone. Even when she had been travelling regularly for swim meets, she had her teammates with her. That’s probably all it was, she concluded. And she had an idea that might help with that. It was a little late at home, but she doubted he’d mind.

* * *

 Buck had just climbed into bed when his phone started ringing, and he was beyond relieved to see it was a FaceTime call from Abby. He hadn’t heard from her in almost 5 days, and she had sounded a little off the last time they talked. She said she was all right, but something didn’t feel right to him.

“Hey!” He greeted her.

“Hey, I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No, I was just about to turn in. I’m glad you called, I was starting to get a little worried.”

She dropped her gaze, fiddling with one of her nails. “Yeah, I’m sorry I let it go so long.”

“It’s okay, you’ve probably been busy.”

She scoffed, “oh yeah, I’ve been living it up.”

“Are you okay? I wasn’t trying to imply anything.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m fine, I’ve just been a little bored lately, that’s all.”

“Oh.” He wasn’t sure what to do now; she seemed unhappy but he didn’t want to push too hard either.

“Yeah… I don’t know, maybe it’s time to move on.”

For a second his heart stopped. Was she talking about them?

“I was thinking maybe I’d take the train to Galway, get a change of scenery.”

_Oh thank God._ “Sounds like a good plan. Is that far from where you are now?”

“No, not really. Just a couple hours I think.”

“That’s good. Well, if you go ahead with it, let me know when you get there, okay?”

“I will. And I won’t fall asleep this time, I promise.”

“Good,” he said with a smile. “I’m really glad you called… I miss you.”

That was an understatement. He missed her like crazy, and it scared the hell out of him: he wasn’t used to being this attached to someone. He was dying to hold her, kiss her again, just be able to _feel_ her. As much as he liked when she chose to FaceTime, it was almost harder to see her and not be able to touch her. Especially on a night like tonight, when she looked a little down.

“I miss you too.”

They talked for a while longer and he did his best to get her smiling and laughing. She seemed to be in a better mood by the time they hung up, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

* * *

The first few days in Galway, Abby was convinced she had been right: she had just needed a familiar face and new place. The city was bright and lively but quainter than Dublin. She took a trip to the Cliffs of Moher, went on a river cruise, and thoroughly enjoyed visiting the Spanish Arch and walking along the river. But by week’s end, she found herself slipping into a similar pattern. She loved the live music at the pubs in the evening, but that was by far the highlight of her days. Once again she found herself lying around all morning, wandering along the water’s edge to pass time during the day, and then going out alone at night. The locals at her pub of choice were quite friendly and the atmosphere was boisterous and fun, but she still couldn’t seem to shake the cloud overhead that now followed her around. She just felt sort of… empty. And it only seemed to get worse.

Just as she was getting ready to head out for the night, her phone rang. She assumed it was Buck; she had tried to put on a brave face during their call yesterday, but she knew he wasn’t convinced. When she pulled out her phone, however, she was surprised to see her brother’s name on the screen. 

She tapped the button to answer. “Hey!”

“Hey, how are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“I’m good. You’re just okay? Ireland not treating you well?”

“It’s really beautiful here and I’ve met a lot of nice people.”

“But…”

“I don’t know. It’s just… I thought I would be happier, you know? I was really excited about coming, and it was great at first, but now…” her voice trailed off and she sighed.

“Did something happen?”

“No… I’m just not sure what I’m doing here, I guess. I thought if I was on my own, I would remember what I was like before everything with mom.”

“I don’t think it’s as simple as reinventing the past, Abby. I mean, you’re not the same person you were then, and that’s normal. No one ever stays the same.”

“I guess. But then how do I figure out who I am now?”

“I wish I had the answer for you.”

“I wish you did too. I’m getting tired of feeling so... lost.”

“Have you talked to Buck about any of this?”

“No,” she said quietly, “I don’t want him to worry about me.”

“You don’t think he already is? I mean, if my girlfriend suddenly took off to another country and wasn’t having the time of her life, I would be worried about why.”

“I hate when you’re right.”

He chuckled, “I know you do. So why do you _really_ not want to tell him?”

“I just feel like this is something I’m supposed to do on my own.”

“You felt that way about caring for mom too, and weren’t you glad he stuck around?”

He had her there. “Yeah…”

“So maybe it wouldn’t be the worst idea to at least let him know how you’re really feeling?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

“Well, I’m on my lunch break right now so I have to get going, but don’t be a stranger, okay? You know I’m always here if you want to talk. Doesn’t matter if it’s 3 in the morning.”

“I know, thanks.”

“Love you. Take care. _Talk to Buck_.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

Maybe her brother was right; maybe she should talk to Buck about this. Truth be told, she felt a little guilty. He had been _so_ supportive, and she basically left him high and dry on this mission to find herself. And even worse: she was failing. She _had_ to salvage this trip. New plan: time to move on again and _really_ get out on her own.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we’re getting close to the end now. One chapter left, maybe two? Depends how it goes, we’ll see. The format of this one is a little different, a little more introspective and one-sided. Should be back to the normal format next chapter.

* * *

The next afternoon, Abby hopped on a train from Galway to Killarney and rented a car upon her arrival. Driving on the opposite side of the road was definitely a challenge at first, but after some practice she was reasonably confident she could manage it. Killarney had a beautiful, old-fashioned aesthetic and small-town charm, but she would explore that later. Right now, she needed to keep moving. She spent one night in a cute, boutique hotel, and was back on the road the next morning, armed only with a map of the Ring of Kerry. She could have taken a coach tour and done the whole loop in one day, but she wanted to do the scenic drive herself and be free to take her time exploring.

She was thinking she might make a 2 or 3-day mini trip out of the drive, but had decided she wasn’t going to plan anything; she hadn’t chosen a place to stop or charted an approximate timeline, she was just going to find a hotel wherever and whenever she needed one. In the interest of safety, she decided to take the counter-clockwise route that the buses usually take. That way she wouldn’t have to pass a bus on the narrow roads, and if something happened, it would only be a matter of time before another bus came by. 

At the beginning she was still feeling a little anxious about the driving situation, but by the time she had worked through the first few stops, her worries were easing and she was confident she could pull this off. The scenery was absolutely breathtaking; it seemed like there was a viewpoint she wanted to stop and see almost every 10 minutes. There were mountains, cliffs, and wide open spaces as far as the eye could see. She stopped at the Kerry Woollen Mills and treated herself to a super-soft, emerald green sweater. It wasn’t a colour she would normally choose, but she wanted try something different and it reminded her of the vibrant landscape outside. 

As she drew closer to the coast, beaches and stunning waterfronts entered the landscape as well. When she reached Glenbeigh, she stopped for a coffee break and on the advice of a local woman, she took a small detour from the Ring route to stop at Rossbeigh beach. It was a cool and windy day, so there weren’t many people out there, but she didn’t mind. She walked a little ways and then sat down on the sand, looking out over the water for a while. Across the waves she could see the hills of another part of the country, but when she looked to the side, the water just seemed to stretch into eternity. Nothing makes you feel quite as small as looking out at the seemingly endless ocean.

She took some time there to think about her life. How had she ended up here? What was she going to do differently from now on? She definitely needed to make some changes. First, she needed to make herself a bigger priority. What that would entail, she wasn’t sure, but she needed something that was _hers_. Something she did just for herself, because it made her happy. She loved her job, but she needed a way to decompress too. And she had already decided she needed to have some friends again. With her mother gone, Buck and a long-distance phone call to her brother were the extent of her support system. _Buck_. Her heart ached a little just thinking about him. God, how she missed him. She hadn’t anticipated how hard it would be, not having him around. They really hadn’t been together all that long, but she had already come to rely on him as her rock. Was that bad? Shouldn’t she be strong enough to stand on her own two feet? 

Done with her coffee, she decided to get back on the road. She didn’t stop again until she reached Cahirciveen, where she took a break to visit the stone forts. Another chatty sightseer suggested she venture off the main drag to visit Portmagee and Valentia Island; apparently there was a mountain you could hike for a picturesque view. Getting out of the car and stretching her legs a bit sounded like a good idea, so she decided to act on the recommendation. 

After lunch in Portmagee and then took the bridge to Geokaun Mountain. Wanting to be ambitious but practical, she chose the second of 3 parking options at varying heights on the mountain. About half way through the hike, she was starting to think she should have continued on to the third. The climb was quite steep in places and she hadn’t exactly worn the best shoes for this activity. But she forged on nevertheless, determined to make it to the summit. She would prove to herself that she could still tough it out.

When she finally reached the top, she was exhausted and out of breath, but _damn_ was the view ever worth it. 360 degrees of spectacular scenery surrounded her and seemingly stretched on forever. She took a few photos with her phone and then settled on a bench for a rest before the journey back down to her car. But as she sat, staring out at the sheer cliffs and deep blue water, she was suddenly struck by the sobering feeling that she had never been more alone in her life. Here she was, ostensibly on top of the world, and yet the expansive landscape seemed only to highlight how isolated she had become.

By the time she made it back to her car, she had all but lost her vigor to continue the drive. It was getting late in the day but she didn’t feel like staying in Portmagee, so she got directions back to the main road and carried on until she arrived in Waterville. It didn’t take long to find a hotel with vacancy. She lay on the bed in her room for a while, trying to summon the energy to go find somewhere to eat. She wasn’t really hungry though. In fact, she wasn’t really _anything_. She just felt kind of numb, almost like she was in shock, except nothing had happened. She didn’t want to get up. She didn’t want to go anywhere. She didn’t want to do _this_ anymore, whatever this was. Coming here was supposed to make her feel more like herself again, and right now she didn’t feel like herself at all.

With a deep breath, she made a snap decision and grabbed her phone. She couldn’t keep this up and she couldn’t keep lying. It was time to come clean.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know I said this before lol, but I mean it for real this time: one or two chapters left. Semi-off topic, but I seriously need some 911 friends. Tweet me, PM me, anything… just don’t judge how overly invested I am in this ship lmao.

* * *

Buck had only been home from the gym for about 10 minutes when his phone started to ring, and he was relieved to see it was a FaceTime call from Abby. She had seemed a little subdued in their last couple conversations and he was getting progressively more concerned. It was such a marked difference from the first couple times she had called from Ireland. She wasn’t very forthcoming with anything either; she seemed far more interested in hearing about what he was doing than in talking about her trip, which he thought was strange. Yesterday she had texted to say she would be driving for a couple days, so not to worry if he didn’t hear from her. But now here she was, calling.

 He answered immediately. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

His worry intensified the moment he saw her. She looked completely drained, and she sounded down.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

She bit her lip and shook her head, closing her eyes as tears started falling.

“Abby, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

She shook her head again, completely dissolving into sobs. It broke his heart to see her like this; especially after all she had gone through before she left. He had hoped, for her sake, that this trip was what she needed to heal, but it sure wasn’t looking that way right now.

“Abbs, I can’t help if you don’t talk to me, okay? Take a few deep breaths and try to calm down.”

She did as instructed and within a couple minutes, she was starting to gather some measure of composure.

“Where are you right now?” Buck asked gently.

“In my hotel.”

“In Killarney?”

“No, some little town. Waterville or Waterford or something.”

“Okay. You’re safe though, right?”

She nodded.

“And you’re not hurt?”

“No.”

“Okay good. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

She took a deep breath and nodded again.

“Take your time, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

“I just… I don’t even know what to say. I’m so confused.”

“About what?”

“Me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like no matter how hard I try, I just keep falling down, and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to be by myself anymore. I don’t even know myself anymore. I don’t know who this person is, but it’s not me. I’m not the kind of person who can’t stand on her own two feet. I thought if I had a clean slate, I would be able to see myself again, but I can’t. And I feel awful always lying and telling you everything is fine when I know it’s not. I didn’t want to admit it that I’m failing, because I didn’t want to feel like I left and came here for nothing, but I can’t get that thought out of my head. I wanted to feel whole again, I wanted to have something good to give again, but I’ve never felt more empty in my entire life. I justified leaving by thinking I would be in a better place when I came back, but it just keeps getting worse. I look around, and everything is _so_ beautiful, but all I feel is cold and alone. What’s wrong with me, Buck? Why can’t I do this anymore?”

The tears were flowing again by the time she finished, and he wanted nothing more than to dry them for her, but he couldn’t. She was out of his reach.

“Abby, there’s nothing wrong with you. And there’s nothing you _can’t_ do. Just because it’s not happening like you thought it would, doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause. Not every path is a straight line from A to B. Maybe you just have to go through a few bends before you can see where you’re going. You’ve been through a lot, and your life has changed a lot. I think it’s normal to struggle with that.”

She sniffled and wiped her eyes. “I guess you’re right.”

“It’s going to be okay, I promise.” In all honesty, he was worried as hell about her, but he didn’t want _her_ to know that. “I tell you what, I have something I’m going to send you. I think it might cheer you up.” 

“Yeah?” She looked hopeful, which he took as a good sign.

“Are you gonna be staying in this ‘Water’ place for a while?”

“No, I’m leaving in the morning. I should be back in Killarney late tomorrow.”

“Okay, what hotel are you staying in there? So I know where to ship it.”

“I haven’t actually booked anything yet. I could do it online when we hang up and text it to you?”

“Yeah that works. I’ll expedite it, so it shouldn’t take too long to get there.”

“Okay... do I get a hint?” There was a ghost of a smile on her face now, and it was all he needed to be sure he was doing the right thing.

“Well, I can tell you that it’s cute and you’ll like it, but that’s about it.”

“That’s not much of a hint.”

“I know: that’s the point.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, but it better be good.”

“Oh it is.” 

* * *

 

Abby woke to a find a dreary day waiting outside, but as she climbed back in her car, she tried her best not to let it dampen her spirits. She felt a little better after talking to Buck last night, and truth be told, she was actually _really_ excited to find out what he was sending her. But driving straight back to Killarney wouldn’t make it arrive any sooner, so she was still going to make the most of the drive. She wouldn’t be deterred by a little rain… at least, not right away. After checking out most of the stone ruins along the route, she was started to get a chill and her jacket was almost soaked through. She decided Moll’s Gap would be her last stop for the day, and she would double back to see the National Park tomorrow. 

After checking into her hotel and donning her new green sweater, she made the quick walk around the corner to a little pub for dinner. She was just paying her bill when she got a text from Buck. 

[Text] _Hey, tracking info says your package arrived. Let me know how you like it._  

She hurried back to the hotel, but when she checked with the front desk, they said they didn’t have anything for her. _It must just have arrived in Killarney_ , she thought _, not delivered yet_. Phone in hand, she headed back to room and was just about to send off a reply text when she opened the door and saw Buck right there in front of her, sitting on her bed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’ll be honest, I’m struggling a little with this one. A) This is by far the longest fic I’ve ever written, and B) my kitten doesn’t let me sleep lol and it takes a lot of energy I don’t have at the moment for me to get to that emotional place where this kind of thing writes itself. But the little terror isn’t going to grow up overnight, so I’m trying to work through it. Fun fact – she also attacks my fingers while I type and tries to jump on the letters as they come up on the screen. It was cute the first day, but now 2 weeks later, it’s not so cute. -_-

* * *

Buck watched as Abby’s jaw dropped in disbelief. For a second she stood still, frozen in shock, and then she flung the door closed behind her and was rushing over to him. _God she’s beautiful._ He was up in an instant and met her half way, wrapping her tightly in his arms. He had never been happier to see someone in his life. Her small frame started to shake, and he knew she was crying. He dropped a kiss on her head and gently stroked her back while he held her, whispering reassurance in her ear.

“Come here,” he said softly after a few minutes, leading her over to the bed. He sat down and tugged her into his lap.

Her arms slipped around his neck and she pressed her lips to his. Ordinarily he would have been content to just sit and kiss her like this all night, but they had more pressing matters right now. Pulling away, he brought his hands up to cup her face, wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed.

“For what?”

“For being such a mess,” she replied, her voice laced with self-deprecation.

“Abby, you’re not a mess. You’re just going through a lot.”

“I’m not exactly handling it very well.”

“Maybe you’ve just been going about it the wrong way.”

A look of confusion came across her face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’ve been trying to do this all on your own, and you’re beating yourself up for not being able to. But maybe you don’t have to. No one can be strong all the time, and it’s okay to ask for help; it doesn’t make you weak. I mean, you went from basically never being alone, working full time, and caring for your mom, to being alone 24/7 in another country with nothing to do. That kind of radical change has to be hard for anyone.”

“But I have to do _something_. If I just go home and go back to my life like nothing happened, how am I ever going to find myself again?”

“Abby, you’re not lost. Just because you can’t see you right now, doesn’t mean you’re not there. When I look at you, I can see you crystal clear, and I love you. Let me be there you. If you want a clean slate, we can do that. We can get a new place together and start fresh. If you want to re-connect with yourself, come to the gym with me and start swimming again. You can do your thing on your own while I do mine, but when we go home, we have each other. It’s okay to lean on someone while you figure things out, and I’m happy to be that person for you. I learned a hell of a lot about myself through being with you; the least I can do is return the favour. If you _really_ feel like you have to keep doing this on your own, you know I’ll respect that, but I want you to know it doesn’t _have_ to be that way.”

“I just don’t want to take advantage of you. You’re always so supportive, and that’s so great, but I feel like I shouldn’t always rely on that.”

“I get it, but you _are_ strong Abby, whether you feel it right now or not. You _will_ stand up on your own again when you’re ready… but it’s okay if it takes a while to be ready.”

She took a deep breath and used her sleeve to dry her eyes from the tears that had started to fall again. ““I’ll think about it, I promise. God, I seriously have to stop crying so much, I don’t know what — ” she suddenly stopped short and looked at him with astonishment.

“What?”

“Did you say you love me?”

He smiled shyly. “Uh, yeah, I did. I mean, I do. I love you, Abby.”

“I love you too.”

She kissed him then, passionately, and he happily responded in kind, one hand coming to rest on her hip and the other tangling in her hair. She moaned softly against his lips, and he started to question how long he could be gentlemanly about this. As badly as he wanted her, he wasn’t sure they should rush into this. He needed a distraction.

“Hey, is this sweater new?” It was perhaps not the most brilliant conversation starter he had ever come up with, but it would do.

“Hm?”

“Your sweater, I haven’t seen this one before.”

“Oh, yeah, I got it on my drive yesterday. I wasn’t sure about the colour though, do you think it’s too bright?”

“No I like it, looks good on you. Tell me about the drive, what all did you see?”

“First you have to tell me how you pulled this off so quickly. When did you get here?”

“Well, as soon as I hung up with you, I called Bobby and he cleared me to take the time off, and then I went online and booked the soonest flight. Left LA at around 6pm, landed in Cork around 3pm, a few hours and a couple of buses later, and I was here.“

“Have you eaten? I just had dinner but we can go back out.”

“Oh I’ve eaten. See, I originally planned to be waiting when you arrived, but the front desk wouldn’t give me your room number until you checked in. So I sat in the café across the street and waited for you to get here.”

“Shut up, no you didn’t.”

“I sure did. Had a coffee, a sandwich, some little tart thing, and then _finally_ you showed up.” That earned him a slap on the arm.

“Good thing I skipped the National Park then. You could have just met me in the lobby, you know.”

“I wanted you to get the full effect of the surprise.”

She laughed. “You’re such a dork.”

“You love it.”

“Yeah… I do. So how long do I have you for?”

“6 days, not including today,” he answered, stifling a yawn. 

“Let’s get you to bed then and we’ll get an early start tomorrow.”

She went to brush her teeth while he got undressed, and then traded places with him when she was finished. When he came back to the bed, he saw that she had snagged his shirt to sleep in, and he couldn’t help but smile. It was silly maybe, but sometimes he still couldn’t believe that she was really _his_. Maybe she can’t see how great she is right now, but he sure does. She’s _everything_ , and he’s going to make sure she knows it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a bit of a tough weekend, struggled to get in the mood to write but going to do my best to pick away at this anyways. Also, pretty sure I’ve gone off my rocker and this is gonna be God knows how long. I’ve given up trying to figure out how many chapters are left. It’s going to mostly be Abby’s POV from here on, but I’ll try to flip it if an opportunity comes up.

* * *

 

After an early breakfast and pretending to entertain Buck’s rationale of why he could totally handle driving on the opposite side of the road, complete with passing tour buses on narrow roads, without any practice, Abby was seated behind the wheel and cruising through the National Park. They were going to start at the far end where she would have started yesterday, and work their way back to Killarney. Buck was glued to the window, not yet having seen nearly as much of the landscape as she had, but she didn’t mind. It was kind of cute, actually. Just having him beside her brought a sense of contentment she had been missing.

Their first stop of the day was called “Ladies View” and was perhaps the most picturesque view of the day. From this lookout was a sprawling view of the Lakes of Killarney, in a vivid, green valley between mountains. She couldn’t help but notice how different it felt to face this vast expanse with Buck’s arms around her compared to being on top of that mountain by herself. _This_ was the feeling of whimsy and sheer _possibility_ that she had expected to feel that day. For the first time, she started to wonder if the reason she hadn’t been able to find the vitality she sought was because she could no longer envision her future without Buck in it. But wasn’t it awfully soon for that? Or was it trying to deny it that was bringing her down?

The next destination, and her hands down favourite of the day, was Torc Waterfall. It was kind of magical watching the crystal clear water cascade down the rocks right inside a dense forest. There were a series of steps leading to a higher vantage point, which they took hand in hand. They followed up the waterfall with Muckross House and Gardens, which was a stunning display of architecture and manicured landscaping, followed by the ruins of Muckross Abbey. Abby quite liked learning about the history of the buildings and places she visited, but wasn’t much for documenting her trip. In fact, she was pretty sure Buck had taken more sight-seeing photos today than she had in the past 3 weeks… though to be fair, he seemed equally interested in taking photos of _her_. Despite typically being shy in front of the camera, she was happy to indulge him; after all, he gave so much and asked for precious little in return. The smile on his face was more than worth it. It was definitely nice to have someone to share these experiences with.

After a few more sights, they were back in Killarney for a late lunch, and then took the train to Cork. They settled on a small boutique hotel that Abby had fallen in love with the moment she saw it. It didn’t have an elevator but Buck, ever the gentleman, insisting on carrying both their suitcases to the second floor. She took the opportunity to pursue an idea she had while they were on the train, and fired off a quick text.

[Text from Abby] _Hey Cait, it’s Abby. Don’t know if you remember me, we met a couple weeks ago at the pub. I was wondering if you guys are going out again soon? My boyfriend (the firefighter) ended up coming to visit, we would love a fun night out._

Dublin was about 3 hours away from Cork, but they could go up in the evening, stay over for a night, spend a day in the city, and then come back. Her phone buzzed a minute later.

[Text from Cait] _Sure I remember! And I remember that pic of your firefighter too ;). We’re going out Sat night if you want to come with? Same place._

[Text from Abby] _Sounds good, see you then._

There was a pretty little restaurant next door to the hotel where they went for a quiet dinner, and then they cuddled up with _Molly’s Game_ on pay-per-view.

“So what do you want to do tomorrow?” Buck asked.

“There’s a historic walking tour that covers most of the highlights, or we could just grab a map and go on our own.”

“Let’s do the history thing, I know you like that stuff.”

“Are you sure? If you think it sounds boring, we don’t have to do it.”

“We’re doing it.”

“Okay,” she said with a chuckle, “also, is it okay if we go to Dublin for the night on Saturday? I met some people there and I was hoping we could meet up with them.”

“Yeah, of course. Hey, was that when you were hungover?” he teased.

“Maybe.”

“Well now I’m _really_ looking forward to it.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m going to get drunk this time.”

He didn’t look convinced. “Uh huh, sure.”

“ _Anyways_ , is there anything you want to do tomorrow or this week?”

“Well… kind of… but you’re going to think it’s silly.”

“Try me.”

“I saw a brochure in the lobby for a ghost walk.”

“A _ghost_ walk?”

“Yeah, I guess they like, take you to places that are supposed to be haunted, or something.”

“Buck, you know ghosts aren’t real, right?”

“Oh no, you’re not science-ing your way out of this one. Ghosts are definitely real.”

“Okay, if you say so...”

“I do. Besides, ghost stories are fun, right? And they’re usually based on real stuff, so it’s like a spooky night-time history tour.”

“I’m not sure I buy that description, but it does sound interesting,” she conceded, “even if we’re not going to _see_ any ghosts.”

“We might, you never know.”

“I suppose anything is possible.”

“See, that’s the spirit!”

She couldn’t help but laugh.

* * *

The next day was a little grey and the forecast called for rain, but they agreed to risk it and go on the walking tour anyways. The guide was fantastic and they managed to avoid the rain… until they decided to double back to tour the inside of the City Gaol after the walk ended. They were almost there when the clouds finally opened up and the downpour began. They did their best to duck under storefront awnings and jump over puddles, but there was one open stretch with no cover they would have to tackle to make it to the door.

“Are we going to make a break for it?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

But as soon as she stepped out into the rain, he grabbed her hand and spun her around to face him, catching her in a passionate kiss. She almost forgot it was raining… until he was suddenly gone, and she opened her eyes to see him sprinting towards the door and laughing. She took off after him but he easily beat her to the entrance.

She playfully slapped his arm and tried to look indignant. “What was that for?”

“Fun,” he answered with a cheeky smile. Then he pulled her in close and said, “can you _really_ blame me for wanting to kiss a beautiful woman in the rain?”

She blushed in spite of herself. “I guess not.”

By the time they had finished exploring the Gaol, the rain had stopped and the sun was starting to break through the clouds. They had a late lunch at a café across the street, but then Buck said he had an errand to run and would meet her back at the hotel. It seemed a little strange, but he insisted he had to go alone because he wanted it to be a surprise. Apparently coming all the way to Ireland himself wasn’t a sufficient surprise. She took her time on the way back, not sure how long he would be, but then a storefront caught her eye and she suddenly had an idea for her own little surprise. Hopefully she could find what she needed nearby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert – one of them is a sexy surprise. How detailed depends how chicken I get lol.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here comes the rating change! And there might be more sex in the next one, not sure yet. Just fyi lol. Slightly terrified to post this, it’s been a long ass time since I wrote any smut and pretty much never since I posted it without a beta lol but here goes nothing!

* * *

 “You seriously didn’t hear a little girl crying?” Buck asked.

“I already told you, no.”

“It was so loud though, that guy beside me heard it too.”

“Or he just went along with it so you wouldn’t look crazy.”

“Hey, I _know_ what I heard.”

Abby put her hands up in defeat, “okay, okay, you heard it.”

“Ghosts are real.”

“I believe you.”

“No you don’t.”

“No, I don’t.”

“That’s okay,” he said, kissing her lightly, “I love you anyways.”

“Well that’s a relief. I’m going to get ready for bed.”

Abby waited until she was sure he wasn’t looking before she sneaked a shopping bag out of her suitcase and brought it to the bathroom with her. After two previously thwarted attempts to start something with Buck, she was stepping up her game. She knew he was still worried about her and scared of hurting her, but she was dying to feel him again. If he needed her to spell it out for him that she _definitely_ wanted this and could handle it, then that’s what she would do.

When she came back out, Buck had already stripped down to his boxers and was sitting on the bed, scrolling through something on his phone. _Perfect_.

“What do you think of my new shirt?” she asked to get his attention. It was one of those classic cliché t-shirts that said ‘Kiss Me, I’m Irish’, just big enough to reach the top of her thighs and just sheer white enough for a faint hint of colour to show through.

He looked up and smiled. “I like anything that gives me an excuse to kiss you.”

As she came closer, she watched his eyes darken as he noticed there was something bold underneath it. She climbed onto the bed and moved to straddle his lap, reaching over to place her glasses on the nightstand.

“How much do you like it?”

His hands immediately moved to play with the hem of it despite the hesitation she could still see on his face.

“Umm…”

“Would you like it better if I took it off?”

“Abby –”

She silenced him with a hot, passionate kiss.

“Please,” she breathed against his lips.

That was all it took to snap his remaining self-control. He grabbed her hips and kissed her hard. He had her breathless in only moments and she couldn’t stop herself from grinding against him. She had almost completely forgotten about the second part of her surprise until he moved to nip at the sensitive spot below her ear and murmured something.

“I think I _would_ like the shirt off better.”

_OH, right, that._ She leaned back and whipped the shirt off, revealing the lacy, burgundy lingerie set she had picked out this afternoon.

“Damn, Abby.”

“You like your surprise?”

“Oh yeah… but I’m going to like unwrapping it more.”

Suddenly she was on her back, and his lips were on her neck again while his hands roamed over the soft, silky lace covering her. When he reached the edge of her bra, he popped the clasp and lavished attention on her one breast with his mouth, taking the other in his hand and gently tweaking the nipple with his fingers. She moaned and clutched at the sheets, her back arching off the bed. It may only have been three weeks since they were skin to skin, but now that seemed like an eternity. They were just getting started and she was already on fire.

Buck continued working his way down her body and slowly dragged her panties down her legs before returning to her thighs, pressing rough kisses along the soft skin on the inside. She knew where his mouth was headed next but God help her, she was already close, and she had to have him _now_. Just as he reached her entrance, she tugged at his hair and pulled him back to her lips.

“Please,” she whispered in between kisses, “I need you.”

A minute later he was sliding into her, groaning her name, and she gasped. He was a tight fit for her, and the first pass had her seeing stars every time.

“You okay?” He asked, kissing her softly.

Words were failing her so she simply nodded, and he started up a slow rhythm of deep thrusts that had her whole body trembling in no time. She really hoped he was as desperate as she was, because she wouldn’t last long like this. A whimper escaped her lips every time he slid home, and all she could manage was to clutch at his shoulders and hold on for the ride. He gripped her hips and picked up the pace, and she could almost taste her release on the tip of her tongue.

“Buck,” she gasped, “I can’t – ” she couldn’t get anything else out.

“Let go,” he assured her.

He shifted and changed the angle just slightly, and she couldn’t hold back any longer. With a keening cry, she shattered around him. He continued thrusting through her climax, prolonging the waves of pleasure until he followed her over the edge. He held her tightly and rolled onto his back, bringing her to rest on top of him while they caught their breath. She closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat slow while he gently ran his fingers through her hair.

After a minute, he spoke. “I was going to wait until tomorrow to give you your surprise, but I kind of feel like I should give it to you now.”

She laughed quietly. “You don’t have to, I can wait.”

“I know, but I think I want you to have it now.”

“But that means I have to move.”

“It means _I_ have to move,” he corrected, “I’ll be right back.”

He carefully shifted her to the side and got up, digging a small box out of his suitcase. For a second her heart stopped – it wasn’t… _that_ , right? She definitely wasn’t collected enough to process that right now. But as he came closer, she realized the box was the wrong shape for that and truth be told, she was a little relieved. It wasn’t that she didn’t _want_ that, but she really needed to get herself together first. She sat up and he got back into bed beside her, shyly handing her the box. God he was cute.

She opened the lid to reveal a sterling silver chain with an infinity pendant, featuring a round diamond at the bottom. _Holy shit_.

“Oh my God, Buck… you didn’t have to do this.”

“I want you to know that I’m serious when I say I’ll be waiting whenever you’re ready. Whether you decide to come home in a few days or a few months, I’ll be there. I’m in this, no matter what.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “How are you so amazing?”

“ _You’re_ amazing, I’m just trying to keep up.”

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him into a tight hug. “Thank you, I love it.”

After a minute she reluctantly let go and turned around. “Can you put it on me?” she asked, looking over her shoulder.

He smiled and happily obliged, turning her back to face him when he done.

“How does it look?”

“Beautiful,” he answered, kissing her softly.

She reached over and switched off the lamp on the night table, and together they curled up under the blankets. Feeling warm and secure in his arms, she fell asleep thinking that she was surely the luckiest woman in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, question for future reference – how do y’all feel about like… more explicit smut? Like I consider this fairly “literary” smut lol, are you guys more comfortable with this kind of thing or are you open to something a little less… soft? Like, less flowery, more blunt, I guess – not really sure the best way to describe it. I’m not saying you’re going to GET that lol, I’m definitely more comfortable writing it this way, but I prefer reading the other, so I guess I’m just curious that if I were to try something more like that, would there be an audience for that beyond myself lol.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this took a weird somewhat angsty twist at the beginning that I wasn’t planning lol. Honestly not sure where it came from, just wanted to write some introspection and that’s what showed up. And then that messed up how I was going to break up this part of the story, so now the intended content of this chapter is split over two. That’s what caused the delay in updating. On the plus side, the next chapter is almost done lol.

* * *

 

They spent the morning just strolling along the river and window-shopping in the nearby stores, and again she was struck by the contrast of her time alone compared to having Buck here. When she had been walking through the cities alone to pass the time, it left her feeling bored and unfulfilled, but with her hand in his, it felt relaxing and lighthearted. She had been in love before, but it was never quite like this. There was something different that she couldn’t name or put her finger on, and she wasn’t sure what that meant.

Over the past few days, she had come to realize that the root of her indecision about staying or going home was her own insecurity. It wasn’t about staying or going at all: it was about her fear of what might happen between her and Buck. She was afraid of allowing herself to rely on him. If she did, and he left, it would be so much harder to move on. _That_ was the real reason she was struggling with the idea of not sticking it out alone. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him. She believed him when he said he was in it for the long haul. The problem was that she had heard it all before, and when the going got tough she had ended up alone. Buck wasn’t Tommy, and intellectually she knew that – hell, he had _shown_ her that, and had truly done everything right to prove it to her – but fear doesn’t always listen to reason.

The bottom line was the loss she felt without her mother was immense, and she was terrified of having someone else be that integral to her life. She loved her brother of course, and would be devastated if anything happened to him, but the pain of suddenly facing life without someone that was a huge part of your every day was overwhelming. In fact, that was the second reason she was hesitant to go home; she couldn’t imagine walking back into that apartment and just carrying on with her life there. Every time she walked through that room, it would hurt. And she didn’t want to have that happen every time she woke up alone if somewhere down the line, she lost Buck.

Basically, what she had to decide for herself was: would she rather be miserable now, put a strain on their relationship for who knows how long, but potentially prove to herself that she could survive a major loss alone, or would she rather seize the happiness they have now, let him help her, and accept that there’s a chance she could be setting herself up for a much greater fall? Both options were daunting in their own way. She was trying to keep her worry at bay and not let it put a damper on their time together, but she knew she was running out of time if she wanted to have a decision before he left. The moment of panic last night when she thought he might have a ring was a stark reminder of that. She needed to get her head straight about this, and _pronto_.

After stopping at a café for lunch, they headed to the station to catch the train to Dublin. Abby had called ahead to reserve a room at the same hotel as before so she would know how to get to the pub and it wouldn’t be too far to walk. They still had some time to kill, so she took Buck to see some of the nearby attractions and then they went back to the hotel for dinner. They could have eaten at the pub, but she wanted to get spruced up a bit. Maybe it was a little silly or old-fashioned, but she liked to step up her game when they had an evening out. Truth be told, she wasn’t used to having much time to put into her appearance outside of special occasions so she tried to take advantage of them. She supposed she could change that now; go back to doing her hair for work, wearing a little makeup – she was never too big on that, but used to do the basics – hell, she could even go _shopping_. She actually couldn’t remember the last time she went to a mall just to browse and buy for herself.

She decided to take advantage of a cute, casual dress she had packed on a whim and put some waves in her hair. A little mascara, bit of eye shadow, and some lipstick, and she was ready to go. Buck had already changed and was waiting when she left the bathroom.

“Damn,” he said, walking over and looping his arms around her waist, “you sure you want to go out tonight?”

“ _Yes_ , and that took longer than I thought, so we need to get going.”

“Okay, okay. Lead the way.”

Once they entered the pub, Abby took a look around and immediately spotted Cait waving them over. She introduced Buck to everyone, and then took the seat next to Cait while he went to get drinks for the two of them.

“Oh. My. God.” Cait said with a pointed look.

“I know. I’m a very lucky girl.”

“I’ll say!” Shannon added from the other side of Cait. “Any chance he has a twin?”

Abby laughed, “no, sorry.”

“Damn.”

* * *

 As the night wore on, there were many drinks and even more laughs. After a while, a live band started up and the place really came alive. Abby and Buck didn’t know most of the songs, but it was still a lot of fun. Eventually some patrons cleared the empty tables aside to form a little dance floor in front of the band. Connor and Alanna were one of the first couples out there, and it wasn’t too long after that Buck turned to her.

“Want to dance?”

She hesitated. She wasn’t really a big dancer, and she wasn’t quite drunk enough yet to completely throw caution to the wind.

“I’m not exactly the best dancer.”

Just then, the music changed.

“There,” Buck said happily, “now it’s a slow song. _Everyone_ can slow dance.”

“Okay fine, but just one!”

She reluctantly allowed him to lead her onto the floor and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I’ve been dying to kiss you all night,” he murmured in her ear as they swayed gently to the music.

“Why don’t you then?”

She didn’t have to ask him twice. He hungrily claimed her lips and she willingly surrendered. His hands slid lower on her ass and pulled her flush up against him. Her lips parted in a gasp of surprise, and he seized the opportunity to slip his tongue inside. From there it quickly evolved from dancing to essentially groping. She decided she must be more drunk than she realized, because this was far more PDA than she would normally engage in, but for some reason she wasn’t particularly inclined to stop it. By the time the song ended, she was flushed and breathing hard.

Seeking to restore some composure, she headed to the ladies room to put some cold water on her face.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, quickly kissing him one more time before they parted.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here’s the rest of what was supposed to be the last chapter. I guess I should have finished it completely before splitting it, cuz this chunk still ended up being quite long. I’m a little OCD and like to keep things fairly even, but yeah, that was a fail. 
> 
> Side note - I have to admit, the suggestions of having him follow her very nearly convinced me to rewrite this lol but I decided I need to keep her as the primary instigator for this fic. Keeping it in my back pocket though, I like how y’all think ;).

* * *

 

Buck headed back to the table to wait for Abby, joining Cait, Shannon, and Darragh.

“So how are you liking Ireland so far?” Darragh asked. 

“It’s beautiful, I’ve never seen anything like it. The scenery is fantastic.”

“Have you always lived in LA?”

“No, not always. I’ve travelled a bit, worked in a few places, but I’ve never been here before.”

“I always imagine LA being all celebrities and such, do you actually see famous people a lot?” Cait questioned.

“No, not really. I mean, maybe once in a while, but they usually don’t look like they do on TV or in movies so you don’t always recognize them.”

“Sorry, how old are you?” Shannon blurted suddenly. “If you don’t mind me asking, that is. You look young is all.”

“Uhh,” he wasn’t usually a fan of where this line of questioning went, but he didn’t want to assume the worst. “No it’s fine, I’m 26.”

“Oh, so you are young then.”

“Sure I guess.”

“So, is this serious then,” Darragh asked, looking skeptical, “you and Abby?”

“Yeah, definitely. I mean, I guess we’ve technically only been together for a few months, but I’m crazy in love with her. I’m not sure how I got so lucky and I’m terrified I’m going to screw it up, but she means the world to me. She’s basically the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Abby. _Great, this isn’t about to be awkward at all_. Here he was, pouring his heart out to relative strangers, and she’s standing right there behind him. But if she’d overheard, she didn’t let on.

“I’m going to get another drink, you want anything?” she asked.

“I can get it,” he said quickly, jumping on the opportunity to extricate himself from this moment.

“Okay, thanks.”

He kissed her cheek and scurried off to the bar.

* * *

“Okay, what did I miss?” Abby asked as she sat down. Buck had been all to eager to get away, so something was up.

 “We _may_ have been putting the gears to him a bit,” Shannon confessed.

Abby failed to stifle her laugh. _Poor Buck_.

“For the record, he passed,” Cait added. “The lad’s absolutely mad about you. Said you’re the best thing to ever happen to him.”

“Wow,” she said quietly. It seemed illogical that with all of the mess she had brought into his life, he could still think so highly of her. He really was incredible.

Connor and Alanna arrived back at the table at the same time Buck returned from the bar, so they all toasted to a great night. She would probably regret it later, but Abby threw back her drink in record time. Screw composure: right now, she wanted nothing more than to get Buck back to their room.

She put her hand on his thigh and leaned over to whisper in his ear, “ready to go?”

He smiled, so she took that as a yes, grabbed his hand, and said their goodbyes. Cait asked if they could get back all right but she insisted they would be fine and dragged Buck outside. They may not have been able to walk a straight line, but they did miraculously end up making it back to the hotel without too much difficulty. The first set of stairs was a little precarious for her, unsteady on her feet and in heels as well, so Buck scooped her up and carried her up the second set. She took full advantage of the opportunity to kiss his neck and start unbuttoning his shirt, willfully ignoring his polite request to wait until they were inside.

He set her down to dig the key card out of his pocket, but as soon as they were through the door, he pushed her up against it. She managed to sneak her hands between them and went right for his belt buckle, swiftly undoing his pants and pushing them over his hips. She slipped one hand inside his boxers and closed her fingers around him, firmly stroking his growing erection. He groaned and swatted her hand away, instead hiking up her skirt to grip her ass and lift her off the ground. Instinctually she wrapped her legs around him, inadvertently bringing his hardness against her core. She moaned into his mouth and tried to rock her hips against him but she was trapped firmly between his body and the wall. She could _feel_ him smirk against her lips and decided two could play at this game.

Her dress had a side zipper, so she was easily able to reach it and slide it down, also shrugging out of the straps, but their closeness prevented the top from falling down enough to give him access. With a grunt of disapproval, he began walking them over to the bed. She kicked off her heels along the way and came to straddle him as he sat down.

He briefly tore his lips away from hers. “Abbs, you sure about this?”

“Do I seem unsure?” she asked breathlessly, shoving his open shirt over his shoulders.

“No, but you’re drunk.”

“So?”

“I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

She whisked her dress over her head. “You’re not… but if you’re that worried about it, I can do this by myself.” She moved to get off of him but he grabbed her hips and stilled her.

“Okay, okay. You’re impatient when you’re drunk.”

She kissed him hard. “Then get the show on the road.”

Heeding her request, he immediately disposed of her bra and bent down to kiss her breasts. He took one nipple into his mouth and worked it to a hard peak, scraping his teeth over the sensitive skin before he let go. With a moan, she let her head fall back, pushing her chest towards him. The room was starting to spin a little but she couldn’t care less; the lightheadedness only made the sensations feel sharper. He quickly ravished her other side before starting to tug at her panties. She gladly stood up so he could get them off, and returned the favour before shoving him back down on the bed.

She climbed on top of him and immediately sank down on his shaft, so wet that she was able to take his whole length in one smooth motion.

“God you feel good,” he murmured, pressing feather-light kisses along her neck.

“So good,” she whispered back.

She started out slowly, swiveling and rolling her hips, but she was too wound up to maintain that for long. Her movements got progressively faster until she was riding him vigorously, her breathless cries filling the room. He grasped her waist and began thrusting up into her, pulling her down hard every time he surged into her. Her body was on fire, and she knew she was the verge of a massive orgasm. He bit down lightly on her shoulder, and that was all it took to send her careening over the edge with a loud gasp. Ripples of acute pleasure rushed through her body, and the feel of her core convulsing around him swiftly brought his release. He pressed deep inside her and held her tight, moaning her name as he came.

She collapsed against him and he kept his hold on her, trailing his fingers up and down her back while they both came down from the high. It was a few minutes before she finally stopped trembling, feeling boneless and completely spent. He gently laid her down on the bed, before he stood and draped the covers over her.

“Where are you going?”

“Just to the fridge for a couple waters.” He removed two bottles and had easily downed most of his by the time he returned. “Here,” he said, pressing a bottle into her hand, “drink as much of that as you can, you’ll be glad you did in the morning.”

He polished his off and threw it away while she struggled through half of hers. At his unimpressed look, she forced down another quarter of it.

“Happy?” she asked sarcastically.

“Yes.”

He climbed back into bed and she rolled over to rest her head against his chest.

“I love you,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her.

For a moment she was quiet, having a silent war with herself. Under the curtain of darkness, uninhibited by alcohol, and enveloped in the comfort of his arms, it was so tempting to let her insecurities seep out. Before long, she gave in.

“What do you love about me?” She hated how needy it sounded, but she couldn’t help herself.

“Is that a serious question?” he asked with a chuckle.

When she didn’t immediately respond, he was quick to take the hint.

“Oh… it is.” He took a deep breath and blew it out. “I don’t even know where to start, really. You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you have the kindest heart, you’re funny, you’re strong, you’re sexy as hell, you actually take me seriously, and you’ve made me a better person. I love _everything_ about you.” He lifted her chin so she had to look him in the eye. “Abbs, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know that, I do, I just…” she sighed, “I don’t know.”

He kissed her forehead. “It’s okay, we’ll figure it out. Just get some sleep.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I officially give up on the whole ‘even length chapters’ thing lol. As we’re getting near the end, there’s not quite enough story left to keep splitting them so it just is what it is now. I’m serious this time guys – only one or two left. Like actually.

* * *

 

They slept late the next morning. Buck only had a headache but she of course felt like she had been hit by a truck. Then again, she had bounced back much better in her 20’s too. Nevertheless, she was glad they went… she would have been gladder if she had cut herself off a drink or two sooner, but to be fair, she was out of practice. It certainly wasn’t something she wanted to do on the regular, but she had to admit it was nice to let loose once in a while. At 11am Buck finally rolled out of bed and, bless his chivalrous heart, did a breakfast run so she could stay put. She didn’t feel particularly great so she wasn’t really in the mood to eat, but he insisted she would feel better if she ate.

After a coffee and a pastry, she finally felt human enough for a hot shower. Using the blow dryer, however, was a definite no-go. WAY too loud. She would just have to throw it in a braid or something later. Today was the kind of day she wished she had brought sweatpants and a hoodie, but no such luck, so she settled on jeans, one of Buck’s t-shirts, and a jacket. It was as comfy as she was going to get. She quickly stuffed the rest of her things in her suitcase and then she was ready to go.

As soon as she stepped outside though, she instantly wished she had stayed inside. Of course it was sunny. It couldn’t be grey and rainy today; it had to be bright enough to send a wave of pain shooting through her head.

“Why didn’t I bring prescription sunglasses?” she wondered aloud.

“Want mine?”

“I won’t be able to see very well.”

“Do you need to? I’ll make sure you get there in one piece.” 

She hesitated. “Are you sure you don’t need them?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay then… but if you want them back, tell me, okay?”

“Okay.”

She tucked her glasses in her bag and gratefully accepted the sunglasses, now holding onto his arm for guidance. Though she still felt a little guilty for taking them, the sunglasses helped tremendously. So did the fresh air, actually. By the time they reached the stop and hopped on the bus that would take them to the train station, she was starting to feel better. When they arrived, they discovered the train they were hoping to take was fully booked, so they reserved seats on the next one and headed to a coffee shop to kill some time.

Half way through her latte, her phone rang. It startled her for a second; except for her exchange with Cait, her phone had basically been silent since Buck arrived. When she dug it out of her bag, she saw the call was from her brother.

“It’s Matt, I’m just going to step out for a minute.”

Buck nodded and she quickly swapped out the sunglasses for her normal glasses before ducking out the front door of the shop.

“Hey!” she said in greeting.

“Hey, you sound cheery today.”

She chuckled. “It’s actually not the best day for me, to be honest. How are you?”

“I’m good. You seem to be in much better spirits than last time we talked.”

“Yeah, things are good. Buck is here.”

“Really? So you took my advice then?”

“You could say that… although the execution wasn’t so great. It was less of a conversation about how I was feeling and more me freaking out and crying on the phone.”

“Oh dear.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t pretty.”

“Sounds like it worked out fine though.”

“Definitely. I didn’t even know he was coming, it was a total surprise.”

“I have to say, that’s pretty impressive, to just drop everything and fly over there.”

“He’s pretty spectacular.” Without realizing it, she had started tracing the infinity pendant with her finger. “I’m really glad he came.”

“Have you told him that?”

She paused and thought for a minute. “I don’t know actually, I can’t remember.”

“You probably should.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

“You’re the one who can’t remember if you did.”

“Shut up.”

He laughed. “So does this mean you’re thinking about coming home soon, or still planning to stay a while longer?”

“I don’t know. I know I need to make up my mind pretty soon, it’s just hard.”

“Tell me what’s hard about it, because it seems pretty straightforward to me.”

“I’m not sure I’m okay with the idea of needing someone that much. I feel like I need to be more independent." 

“Accepting support doesn’t mean you’re not independent, Abby. That’s what a good relationship is; it’s a balance between leaning on one another when you need it, and standing side by side when you don’t.”

“I know, but what if I let myself come to rely on him and then something happens and he’s not there anymore? I trust him, but shit happens.”

“You know what mom always said about ‘what ifs’.”

She sighed and repeated the line: “life is too short to be wondering ‘what if’.”

“Exactly. Deep down you know what you want to do, so stop second guessing yourself and go after what you want.”

“You’re right… ugh why are you _always_ right?!”

“Because I’m older and wiser.”

She scoffed.

“Okay, maybe not, but I know _you_ , and I know you need a push sometimes. It’s just an added bonus that it drives you crazy when I’m right.”

“Well, as much as I hate saying it, thank you.”

“Always a pleasure being right.”

“Okay, okay, watch your high horse.”

“I’m sure you’ll knock me off it sooner or later.”

“That’s a sister’s job.”

“You’re very good at it.”

“Why thank you.” 

They chatted for a few minutes more before Buck came and tapped her on the shoulder, holding her drink and motioning towards the platform. They said their goodbyes and she ended the call before heading off to the train with Buck.

* * *

They were 2 hours into the train ride, and so far Abby had been very quiet. She seemed happy when she was on the phone, so he wasn’t sure why she had suddenly withdrawn. They were sitting side by side, her head resting on his shoulder, and she was so still and silent that he actually thought she had fallen asleep until he heard her voice.

“Were you serious about getting a new place together?”

His heart skipped a beat. _Holy shit_. He was leaving the day after tomorrow and she hadn’t said a word about home, so he had reluctantly started to accept she was likely not coming with him. But this, this gave him hope.

“Yeah of course. I mean, if that’s what you want.”

“I think that would be good.”

He kind of wanted to jump up and down and shout from the rooftops, but he was trying not to get his hopes up _too_ high. She technically hadn’t actually said she was coming home _now_. “Okay, we’ll start looking then.” 

“Can we do it soon?”

“We can start tonight.” 

“Okay. And send me your flight details, I’ll see if I can get on the same one.”

Mentally he was doing cartwheels, and he was sure she could hear his heart pounding, but he didn’t care. Screw the scenery; this moment right here was the highlight of his trip.

“You got it.”

She was quiet for a minute before she spoke again.

"Buck?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you came."

He kissed the top of her head. "Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t remember if they actually said if Abby’s brother was older or younger, so I just went by the actor being older.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna be mostly fluff left now guys, hope you’re all down with that lol. I feel like you probably are. Really, who doesn’t like fluff? I mean, to be honest, it’s hard for me to write it, cuz I’m more of an angsty person in general lol, but reading it is always good for a smile. I’m charting this for one full chapter left and a short epilogue, but as we know, I’m a terrible estimator.

* * *

 

They chose a bigger hotel in Cork this time so there would be a business centre with computers. After dinner in the hotel restaurant, Buck started the apartment search while Abby went to work on booking a flight. At one point she disappeared with her phone for a while, but she hadn’t said anything, so he assumed she would be back. She was, of course, but looked disappointed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

She flopped down on the seat beside him. “Well, the good news is, I got on your flight with the same connection. The bad news is, I can only sit with you from here to London; they don’t have 2 seats together anywhere from Heathrow to LAX.”

“Oh, that sucks.”

“Yeah. They do have wifi on that flight though, so I guess I can always message you from 10 rows back.”

He laughed. “At least it’s only 11 hours and 10 rows apart; better than days and thousands of miles.”

“This is true.”

“I think I’ve narrowed it down to my top 6 apartments, available immediately, in the area and budget we decided on. Have a look and let me know what you think. I’m going to go call the station and see when my next shift is.”

“Okay.”

He was relieved to find out he work until late on the day after they were set to arrive home. He wanted to make sure Abby was settling in okay before he up and left. The last thing he wanted was for her to regret coming back with him. By the time he returned to the computer, she had further narrowed down his list of potential apartments.

“I sent messages to these 4, I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, for sure.”

“I figure my work isn’t expecting me back yet, so I should have lots of time to go look. Or do you want me to try and schedule viewings for your day off?”

“Doesn’t matter to me. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.” Oh God, he was officially whipped, wasn’t he?

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, go for it. The sooner we pick a place, the sooner I get to come home to you.”

She smiled warmly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

* * *

The next morning marked their last full day in Ireland, and after a late breakfast, they were off to Blarney. They had been up late just talking about getting their new place and her plans for what she wanted to change in her life. She was surprised to find she was actually becoming a little excited about the prospect of going home. Matt really had been right: she had been making the whole thing more difficult than it needed to be. She was still going to find her footing again, but she didn’t have to be alone to do that. Though she didn’t get what she expected out of it, she didn’t regret making the trip, because she knew she would definitely have regretted _not_ coming. She needed to fulfill this dream of her mom’s, and she needed to remember what it was like to be an adventurous jetsetter. That would always be part of who she is, and she has made a vow to herself to take at least a small trip once a year. But what she really discovered was how lonely she had become, even though she was never physically alone.

Part of how you see yourself is what’s reflected by the people around you, and she had all but isolated herself from everyone but her mother. When the only reflection of herself was, for so long, one that wasn’t sure how old she was or, sometimes, even _who_ she was, it’s no surprise she didn’t know how to see herself. She wasn’t sure how she would have gotten through without Buck, and she was so grateful he had refused to let her push him away. She realized now that she not only needed to reconnect with herself, but with the people around her. Life – both the good and the bad – is _so_ much richer when you have people to share it with. Just trying to avoid getting hurt isn’t really _living_. Some people may come and go, but others will stay, and somehow she’ll survive it all. She made it through the first 42 years, and if she creates a support system, she’ll get through the rest too. And the first step was to embrace the support she still has.

She snapped out of her thoughts when she caught Buck watching her with a smile on his face.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Just thinking how happy I am that I don’t have to say goodbye to you tomorrow. The first time was one of the hardest goodbyes I’ve ever said.”

She smiled sadly. “Me too. Let’s not do that again.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“So, do you know where we’re going today?”

“Well, you asked the ticket guy which bus went to Blarney, so I’m guessing that’s where we’re going.”

“Oh… then I guess you know what we’re going to see, too.”

“Nope.”

“Really? You never heard about the Blarney Stone?”

“Can’t say I have.”

“Legend has it that if you kiss the stone, you get the ‘gift of gab’, meaning eloquence.”

“Huh. I should probably look into that. I’m not really a well-spoken guy, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“Your mouth has other talents,” she teased.

“Abby Clark,” he said in a low voice, “are you coming on to me in public?”

“And I’m not even drunk this time.”

He laughed and pulled her in for a quick kiss as the bus came to a stop.

They decided to save the castle and the stone for the end of the day, figuring everyone else would head there first. And they were right; the majority of the crowd headed straight for the main attraction and the walking trails were relatively quiet. It was actually kind of romantic, walking through woods hand in hand, and sitting by the lake together. He had brought up the idea of going camping once, and she had balked at the thought of mosquito bites and sleeping on hard ground, but now she thought perhaps she would let him take her. Maybe there _was_ a certain appeal to being alone out in nature. She still liked the sound of an RV better than a tent, but she could give it a go.

After stopping for fresh scones at the Stable Yard Café, they finally made their way to the castle. There was still a small line formed at what she assumed was the Blarney Stone, though it wasn’t quite what she expected. 

“Wait, why is that person upside down?” Buck asked.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly, “I guess that’s how you reach the stone; you have to lean back and hold the bars like that.”

“Huh. Weird. Are you going to kiss it?”

“After God knows how many strangers have kissed it already today? No. Why, are you?”

“Nah,” he said, casually wrapping his arms around her, “I’d much rather kiss _you_ upside down.”

Before she could process what he just said, he dipped her backwards and claimed her lips. She gasped and flung her arms around his neck to maintain her balance and he seized the chance to deepen the kiss. Caught off guard, she completely forgot where they were and allowed herself to get lost in the moment… until a couple whistles and catcalls rang out. Leave it to Buck to almost literally sweep her off her feet in front of a bunch of tourists. She blushed furiously when he released her and playfully slapped his arm.

“What?” he asked with a laugh.

“ _What_? Really?”

“I can’t help it! You know, if you didn’t look so damn good all the time and didn’t say naughty things to me on the bus, maybe I’d have better self-control.”

“Shut up.”

“So I take it I’m not to kiss you at the airport tomorrow either?”

She looked at him incredulously. “We’re on the same flight.”

“So? I still won’t see you for 11 hours.”

“Fine. But keep it PG.”

“You sure? We could join the mile high club.”

She was laughing now. “ _No_!”

“Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“Come on, let’s go catch the bus. You want to talk to me about that, you have to buy me dinner first.”

“Does that mean it’s a maybe?”

“I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you ask, that is NOT happening lol. Should I consider adding the camping thing to my fic list though? I’ve never been camping (like, aside from camping in my friend’s backyard when I was like 10), but I feel like it must be easier to bs that than a whole country I haven’t been to lol.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual, my AN were full of lies. I have very easily been persuaded to add the smut (next chapter, sorry), and I have once again incorrectly assessed how much longer this story will be lol. I will say it again - one more full chap, and one short epilogue – but as we all know by now, I could very well be wrong on that.

* * *

 

They were up early the next morning to finish packing before heading to the airport. They had lots of time to kill between when they had to check in and when they actually boarded, so they decided to get breakfast at the airport and do a bit of shopping. They both picked up some snacks and a bottle of water, and Abby picked out a book to read and a pair of headphones. She was stuck in the dreaded middle seat from London to LA, so she needed ways to keep busy. Normally she liked a window seat, but there were only middle seats left by the time she booked. She was in the middle from Cork to London too, but at least it was Buck on the aisle side.

As it neared their boarding time, she noticed he was starting to get antsy. At first she thought maybe he was just eager to get home; transit days are kind of a drag, after all. But the time they were in their seats, he was definitely stressed. After the safety demo, chatter on the plane resumed and she decided she should say something.

“Buck, are you scared of flying?”

“What makes you say that?”

_Hmm, answering a question with a question_. “You just seem kind of tense,” she said gently, taking his hand, “are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah… it’s just… coming here was the first time I’ve been on a plane since working that crash scene. That one was at night, so I just took a couple Gravol and slept through the whole thing. And now it’s daytime, and I won’t be asleep.”

She hadn’t even thought about that, no wonder he was anxious. And yet he had gotten on a plane by himself, at the drop of a hat, to come piece her back together. She wasn’t sure how she would ever be able to repay him for that. Sure, she heard more than her fair share of awful things and it was always hard, but she assumed seeing it must be even worse. Sometimes she never found out the outcome, and then she had the luxury of hoping everything turned out okay. He didn’t have that. Just sitting with the victim’s wife while she played the 911 call from the plane crash was heartbreaking for her, she couldn’t even imagine what it must have been like for him to be right in the middle of it. He had called her later that night when he finished his shift, but he had avoided going into much detail about it and she had never pressed the issue. In hindsight, perhaps she should have.

“Just squeeze my hand and don’t look out the windows. I’m right here with you. It’s just a short flight this time, and I can get up and come see you during the next one, okay?”

He nodded stiffly and tightened his grip on her hand as the plane took off. He settled a bit once they reached cruising altitude and levelled out, and she did her best to keep him talking and distracted until they were back on the ground.

Heathrow airport had enough shopping to rival a mall. It was beyond easy to spend a 3-hour layover without even noticing the time. She hadn’t bought anything though; her mind was elsewhere, trying to think up a plan to help Buck through the longer flight. They were nearly at the gate before she was finally struck with an idea.

“Hey, can you grab us seats? I just have a quick question for the agent at the counter.”

“Yeah, sure.” He took her carry on from her and set out to hunt down two open seats near their gate.

She approached the ticketing agent at the help counter. “Hi, I was just wondering if you could check the seating on my flight? My boyfriend and I aren’t sitting together and he’s kind of nervous about flying, I was hoping maybe a seat opened up and there’s two side by side?”

“Sure, let me see your boarding pass.” After a few keystrokes, she looked back up from her screen. “I’m sorry, there’s still only single seats available.”

“Oh, okay. If someone was willing to, would we be able to switch seats after take off?”

“It’s up to the individual airline operating the flight, but it’s typically frowned upon. I have an idea though, let me check something out.”

“Okay.” Abby had no idea where this was going, but it had to be worth a shot. 

“Okay, so, the seats on either side of you are both individual reservations. What I can do is call those passengers up here and ask if either of them would be willing to switch seats. Then I could re-issue the boarding passes with the adjusted seating. I can’t promise you they’ll agree to it, but it’s probably your best bet. Do you know what seat your boyfriend is in?”

“29C.”

“Okay perfect.”

The agent called two names over the loudspeaker but initially no one came, and Abby’s heart sank a little bit. She had been hoping for a mini miracle. A few minutes after a second announcement, one man approached the counter.

“Hi, I was called to come to the counter?” he said.

“Yes, hi. Are you Mr. Williams or Mr. Davis?”

“Davis.”

“Okay, so right now we have you in seat 42C. This is your neighbour in 42B,” she gestured to Abby, “and she’s travelling with someone who’s afraid of flying, but they were unable to get seats together. Her companion is in seat 29C, so still an aisle seat like yours, and she was hoping you might consider switching seats.”

The man looked pleasantly surprised. “I am more than happy to switch out of the back row.”

“Excellent! Just give me your passport and your boarding pass, and I’ll print you out a new pass with your updated seating information.”

The man did as instructed, and Abby fished Buck’s ticket and passport out of her purse. She was glad she had insisted that his pocket wasn’t a safe enough place for them. After thanking the gentleman and the agent, she gleefully strode off to find Buck.

“That wasn’t a very quick question,” he joked when she finally tracked him down.

“No, but look what I have for you.” She handed him the new boarding pass. “You’re sitting with me now!”

Relief washed over his face. “How did you do that?”

“It was actually the agent’s idea, I went to see if anyone had cancelled their ticket and opened up two seats together but they hadn’t, so she asked the guy beside me if he would switch with you.”

He leaned over the armrest between their seats to kiss her softly. “Thank you.”

“It’s the least I could do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k so I know it doesn’t sound like they were 10 rows apart, which is what I said, but I actually did use a seating map, and that actually is 10 rows lol. The jumble happened because I had to change what seat I had her in to make the smut possible, so you can thank the next chapter for that :P.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if many people are still reading this, but I guess it’s close enough to the end that I’ll forge on anyways. I think there’s still only going to be one more chapter, but I also thought this would be shorter, so I might still break off a piece of the next one as an epilogue like originally planned.

* * *

By the time Abby and Buck boarded, the plane was almost full and there were just a few people trickling in last minute. Apparently the person on the other side of Abby was one of those people, because the window seat was still empty. She supposed that wasn’t a surprise since he hadn’t come to the desk when the agent called his name; he obviously hadn’t been at the gate yet. Maybe he had a late connection or something. It wasn’t exactly a small airport so it could easily take a fair amount of time to get from one end to the other. But the minutes ticked on, and still no one came for 49A, but she was hesitant to get her hopes up… it sure would be nice to stretch out a bit and talk freely though. At last the doors closed, and she allowed herself a moment of glee: 49A was a no show! They officially had the row to themselves now.

Everything was going relatively well until about half way through the flight. Buck was watching a movie on the in-flight entertainment system, and she had her feet up on the extra seat, leaning back against his shoulder, blanket over her legs, reading from her book, when they suddenly hit a patch of turbulence that nearly sent her flying. The fasten seatbelt sign lit up so she tucked her book away and righted herself. She looked over at Buck, and the colour had all but drained from his face as the plane lurched through the air. He whipped his headphones off and grabbed her hand with an almost painful grip.

“It’s okay,” she said soothingly, “everything is going to be fine. Just breathe.”

He did his best to take some deep breaths and calm down, but the effort failed when the plane started shaking again. She winced a little as his fingers closed even tighter around hers.

“Buck, look at me.”

He was lost in his own mind, and didn’t seem to hear her.

She took her free hand and cupped his cheek, turning his head to face her.

“You’re okay, I’m right here.”

The fear in his eyes made her heart ache a little, and so she did the only thing she could think of to distract him: she kissed him. At first he seemed frozen, and she started second guessing the idea, but just when she about to pull away, she felt him lean into her a bit. With renewed faith in her strategy, she kissed him again, and this time he kissed her back. That was when her plan took an unexpected turn. With every jolt the plane took, he kissed her harder and deeper. He had pulled her as close as her seatbelt would allow and was running his hand up and down her thigh. This was _not_ what she had intended. What was supposed to stay light and relaxing had become hungry and desperate, and it was taking an increasing amount of concentration to keep quiet about it.

By the time the turbulence subsided and the seatbelt sign turned off, she was a mess of arousal. Her breathing was quick and shallow, she knew her skin was flushed, and her centre was all but throbbing with need. From the way Buck quickly grabbed the blanket and pulled it across his lap too, she guessed he was in much the same boat. She was trying to calm herself down, but he kept shifting uncomfortably beside her and knowing _why_ was not helping her cause. The way she saw it, she had two options: shift over to the open seat to give them both some space, or _do_ something about the problem. She waited until the person in the lavatory had returned to their seat, and then she made her decision. Sneaking her hand under the blanket, she slid it over to brush against his hardness through his jeans.

He obviously hadn’t seen her move her hand, because he jumped when he felt her fingers trail across him. Eyes wide, he turned to face her.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

She leaned over and murmured in his ear, “you were the one who brought up the mile high club.”

“And you said no.”

“A girl can’t change her mind?”

He groaned.

“Shhh, if we’re going to do this, you have to be quiet. Can you do that?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

She undid the button and zipper on his pants, and he gave a small sigh of relief. She pushed his boxers out of the way and wrapped her hand around the base of his cock, smirking when she saw his grip on the armrest tighten. _Be careful what you wish for, Buck._ Normally she liked to take it slow first and draw it out for a while, like he usually does with her, but realistically she understood this was not the time and place for that. In the back of her mind, she was shocked she was doing this at all given the setting, but he was incredibly hard to resist in any scenario. She started up a rhythm of firm strokes, slowing after every few to lightly trace her thumb around the tip and spread any moisture she found there. His eyes closed and his head tipped back against the seat but instead of speeding up, she almost let go and his eyes flew open again, turning to look at her. That’s when she lightly dragged her nails slowly along the underside of him, and she saw a shiver run through him when she hit just the right spot.

“Right there?” she whispered, as if she didn’t already know the answer, while drawing circles with her fingertip on the sensitive place she just passed.

“Abbs, you’re killing me,” he groaned quietly, “ _please_.”

She supposed she had taunted him enough for today and relented, pumping him faster and tighter until his knuckles gripping the armrest were almost white. His jaw was set tight, and she knew he was gritting his teeth against the sounds threatening to break free.

Sensing he was close, she made sure to brush _that_ spot with the next few strokes and leaned over to purr in his ear. “Are you going to come for me?”

She nipped at his pulse point and he stiffened beside her as his release hit. She started to slow her motions then, gently bringing him down from the high. She fished a couple tissues out of her purse and did her best to erase the evidence and redress him while he caught his breath.

* * *

“Now it’s my turn,” he said quietly, pulling her in for a rough kiss. “Turn around.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“Like when you were reading, with your back to me.”

She did as instructed, putting her feet back up on the empty seat and leaning back against him while he wrapped one arm around her and used the other to drape the blanket over her. His hand went straight for the top of her pants, deftly flicking the button open and drawing the zipper down. He continued the path downward to touch her through her panties first, finding them soaked through already.

“Well these aren’t going to do you any good after this,” he murmured.

“Please,” she breathed, “don’t tease me this time.”

“You want it hard and fast?”

She nodded against his shoulder.

“Whatever my girl wants,” he said softly, finally slipping his hand inside her panties.

He lightly ran his finger along the length of her, grinning when he heard her inhale sharply. She was _definitely_ hot and bothered if she was this sensitive already. He ghosted his fingers over her opening, gently tracing circles around it and letting just the very tip of his finger dip inside every so often.

She turned her head to muffle her voice in his shirt and whined softly, “ _Buck_.”

He chuckled breathily. “Was _this_ ,” he plunged one finger inside her, “more what you had in mind?”

Her back arched slightly and she bit down hard on her lip to stop from crying out, nodding her assent. He worked his finger in and out of her, allowing his thumb to just barely brush her clit now and then. Her breaths were coming faster now, and he watched her hands fist the blanket as he added a second finger. She tilted her hips to press herself down against his fingers and he obliged, thrusting them harder and faster, delving a little deeper. He increased the pressure on her clit as well, rubbing insistent circles over it. He felt her muscles start to tighten around his fingers and glanced around to see if the coast was clear. Not seeing anyone looking their way or approaching the lavatory, he sneaked his other hand around to pinch her hardened nipple through her clothes. The unexpected sensation sent her tumbling over the edge with a strangled gasp against his shoulder.

He continued to stroke her lightly while aftershocks rippled through her body, until he felt her go limp against him.

“You okay?” he murmured with a smile.

“Yeah,” she breathed, digging another tissue out of her purse and passing it to him. “Can you do something else for me though?” she asked as she shifted to sit upright again.

“What?”

“Can you get my carry on down? I have a change of clothes in there.”

He grinned wickedly. “And are you changing the whole outfit or…?” He let the question hang.

“You know very well what I’m changing,” she said quietly, giving him a playful shove.

“Well, since it is _my_ fault, I guess I can help you out.” But before he got up, he couldn’t resist pulling her in for a kiss. “You are something else, Abby Clark.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I know it’s unlikely for this scenario to happen on a flight like LHR-LAX, but it does on occasion (and I don’t mean the smut part lmao, that probably does happen more often that we’d think, I mean having the row to yourself). On my first flight to Australia, the person between my friend and I didn’t show up (I like the aisle, she likes the window) and it was the best thing EVER lol. So it is possible for someone to be a no show even on a full flight. We actually thought it happened again the second time we went, and then she showed up like literally the second before they closed the doors and we were bummed lol. An extra seat is heaven on a long haul flight, especially overnight ones.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I’m a bit between a rock and a hard place with this right now. I’m WAY off of how I planned to break this up, so now I have these pieces I didn’t mean to be together and don’t really know how to make them work as a whole, so it’s kinda choppy in places. Sorry about that. And again, I’m a fucking liar lol. I think there’s still gonna be one more chapter and THEN the epilogue. I’m not 100% sure, but seeing as this somehow ended up longer than intended, and so did the previous part, I feel like it’s a safe bet that the next part will be longer than intended too.

* * *

The rest of the flight was uneventful… or at least, she assumed it was, because she had dozed off at some point after dinner and Buck didn’t wake her until they were preparing to land. After going through customs and collecting their bags, they were finally in the car and on the way home. Buck seemed markedly more excited about it than she was. Frankly, she was dreading walking into that apartment. She knew they wouldn’t need to stay there long, just until they picked a place and signed the lease, but the idea still bothered her. It didn’t feel like home anymore. _Her_ apartment wasn’t supposed to have a dining room anymore, and it wasn’t supposed to be empty. And every time she walked through that dining room or Buck left for work, the place would feel foreign to her.

By the time they were half way home, she could tell Buck had become acutely aware of her silence. He had stopped drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and nodding along to the radio, and instead was sending worried glances her way every 10 minutes or so. She was looking out the window and pretending not to notice, unsure of how to explain her reservations. After all, she had chosen to come home of her own volition, knowing full well that this would be part of it until they moved. It had just seemed more manageable when they were still in Ireland; the closer they got to actually physically facing it, the more her stomach twisted in a knot. 

Buck pulled into the parking lot and turned the car off, but neither of them moved. She just stared up at the building with trepidation, starting to doubt if she could actually _do_ this.

“You know what I’ve noticed about you?” Buck asked.

“No, what?”

“When you’re upset about something, you either freak out and talk really fast, or you go _really_ quiet. And you’ve been _really_ quiet the whole drive here.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, her eyes still on the building.

He followed her gaze. “Do you not want to stay here?”

“No.”

For a minute he was quiet, thinking, and then he unbuckled his seat belt and turned to her. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do: you’re going to get on your phone and start looking for somewhere to stay – hotel, Airbnb, whatever you want – and I’m going to go upstairs and grab some clean clothes, and then we’ll go. Sound good?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice. He was always so understanding.

“Okay, I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek before getting out of the car.

She decided on Airbnb, wanting something homier than another hotel room, and by the time Buck came back, she was just hanging up with a very accommodating host who was willing to come let them in right away. The place was definitely on the small side, but it was nice enough and not too far from where they were looking, so she booked it for the week.

Buck closed the trunk and climbed back in the driver’s seat. “So, where are we going?”

She gave him the address and they were off.

“I packed some clothes for you too, by the way.”

“Normal clothes, or things _you_ want to see me in?”

“Mm… a little bit of both,” he laughed.

Realizing there would probably be no food in the house, they had stopped to pick up a few snacks and drinks on the way. Thankfully it wasn’t too far, because they were both exhausted. In fact, within 20 minutes of their host waving goodbye, they were both in bed and fast asleep.

* * *

It was pretty late when Buck got home from work, but he was hoping Abby would still be up. She seemed to be settling back in fine, which he had to admit was a relief: deep down he had been a little worried she would wish she had stayed in Ireland. He had been a little worried about leaving her alone all evening and most of the night during his first shift back, but it turned out his concerns were unfounded. When he got home the fridge was stocked, there was a snack waiting for him, and she was sound asleep in bed. Thankfully he was done a few hours earlier tonight, because she had spent the afternoon looking at apartments and he wanted to hear about them if she was awake. 

He found her in the kitchen, wearing her favourite of his t-shirts and putting the dishes away. He had never pictured himself being much of a domestic type of guy; he hadn’t really understood what the allure was… until now, that is. He always thought he would feel trapped if he had someone there all the time – that he would miss having alone time – but that couldn’t be further from the truth. In reality, he looked forward to coming home from work. Maybe it was silly, but it made him feel sort of special to have someone waiting for him.

She must have heard his footsteps, because she looked over her shoulder as soon as he entered the room.

“Hey, are you hungry? I made chili, I can heat some up for you.”

_Seriously the perfect woman_. “That would be great, I’m starving.”

“So how was your night?” she asked, moving to the stove.

“Pretty standard, nothing too exciting.”

“I guess that’s good, in a way.”

“Yeah. I’m more interested in _your_ day. Tell me about the apartments.”

“I think I have it narrowed down to two. The first one was an obvious no. I knew before we even went inside the building. It looked _nothing_ like the pictures and I didn’t get the safest vibe from the area. The second one was slightly better, but still pretty disappointing. I don’t know what happened in there, but there’s a fair number of questionable stains on the carpets and walls. I don’t mind painting, but I’m not going to redo the floors.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah, I was definitely starting to get a little worried that they were all going to be like that, but the other two were nice. I like the third one; the only thing is that the appliances are fairly old. And not just the ones in the apartment; the downstairs laundry is a little outdated too. But that’s not really a huge deal. The fourth one is my favourite. It has a bigger bathroom and a nicer kitchen and laundry, but it’s more money. The third one is near the bottom of the budget and the fourth one is near the top, so the question is how much those differences are worth to us.”

It certainly was a good question. He wasn’t about to tell _her_ this, but he had been hoping they could stay closer to the bottom of the price range because he wanted to start stashing some money away for a ring. It was too soon now, he knew that, but he figured if he started saving now, he would be in good shape to afford something nice when it was time. That being said, this was ideally going to be a long-term living arrangement, so he didn’t want to compromise _too_ much on quality. He did have a lot of stuff in storage that he could sell if he needed some extra money for a down payment on a ring; Abby’s furniture was much nicer than his, so when he moved in to her place, he put his things from his old place in a storage locker.

“If you like the fourth one best, then I think we should go with that one.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, setting the bowl of chili in front of him. “I know a newer kitchen and bigger bathroom are probably not that high on your priority list.”

He laughed. “No, I can’t say they are, but I want to have something I know we’ll be happy with in the long run. I mean, we use the kitchen and the bathroom every day, it’s going to get annoying pretty fast if we’re not happy with them.

“That’s true. Okay, well if you’re sure, then I’ll call first thing tomorrow and maybe we can go by and sign the lease before you go to work? Or do you want to see the inside first?”

“I trust your judgment, we can just sign.” Truthfully, he really couldn’t care less where they lived, as long as she was there with him.

Her face lit up. “Okay then! We’re really doing this!”

He couldn’t help but smile. “We sure are.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, it’s gonna be a little choppy, sorry. It’s either that, or I join it all together by writing about every minute of every day where nothing interesting happens lol and that sounds like a lot of work to create something quite boring.

* * *

The lease on their new apartment was officially signed, and the moving truck booked for Buck’s next day off. She was feeling a little overwhelmed – it was a bit of a whirlwind of change this week – but mostly she was excited. Moving day felt like the first page in the next chapter of her life, and she was optimistic about that. She had been stagnant for a long time, and she needed to move forward. Her previous landlord hadn’t been thrilled to find out she was leaving, but she had to do what was best for her, and staying there wasn’t it. 

“It’s too bad I have to give so much notice on my lease,” she sighed, “it would have helped a lot with first and last for this place if I wasn’t going to lose my last on the place I have now.

“You sure you can’t get it back?” he asked. “You’ve been there for a really long time and you’ve always been a good tenant.”

“Oh I’m sure. She made it very clear when I told her I was leaving that I wasn’t giving enough notice and she would be keeping it. I don’t know why, but she doesn’t seem to like me very much. Never has.”

“Want me to try?”

She shrugged. “You can if you want. Can’t hurt I suppose. Maybe she’ll like you better than me.”

“If I leave now, I should have time to stop in there before I go to work.”

“Well, good luck then,” she kissed him softly, “because you’re going to need it.”

* * *

Abby did her best to keep busy while Buck was at work. She had a mountain of laundry to tackle from her trip and a couple of errands to run, so that would help. Once she had a load in both the washer and dryer, she went to the paint store to grab some colour swatches for them to go through. They already had permission to paint at the new place, and the yellow living room had to go _pronto_. She also wanted to do the bedroom, just to personalize their space a little bit. After putting in the next load of laundry, she then had to make the drive across town. Buck had insisted she sign up for Facebook and she had to admit, it had its merits. She found someone who had recently moved and was looking to clear out their moving boxes, so she had arranged to pick them up this afternoon. 

Laundry finished, she started putting away the items she would need in the next couple days and boxing up the ones she wouldn’t. She wasn’t sure how productive she would end up being when it came time to box up the rest of her life at her old apartment – she had the distinct feeling she might spend more time crying and dwelling over what to bring and what to toss than actually _packing_ any of it – so she at least wanted to be productive where she could. She was just taping up a box when she heard the front door open, so wandered out of the bedroom to meet Buck.

“Hey, food’s here,” he said, holding up a bag.

“What did you get?”

“I went by that Thai place you like.”

“Mm sounds good.” She took the bag and kissed him before heading to the kitchen to get plates.

He kicked off his shoes and followed her. “By the way, I got your landlord to change her mind.”

“Really?” She couldn’t believe it; the woman had been seriously pissed when _she_ talked to her.

“Yep, it was easy.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What did you do?”

He smiled sheepishly. “Well, it’s not so much what I did, as what I agreed to do.”

“And what is that?”

“I… uh… _may_ have agreed to go to senior prom with her daughter.”

She couldn’t help herself and burst out laughing.

“Come on, it’s not _that_ funny.”

“Oh, it _so_ is though!” she choked out between laughs.

“What? I just have to take some pictures and dance a bit, right? That’s not so bad.”

“Just out of curiosity, when you were in high school, did you look like you do now?”

“Well, I mean, except for some zits, my face is mostly the same. I was definitely scrawnier though. Why?”

She tried not to laugh even harder at his confused look. “I think you’re seriously underestimating what it’ll be like to be you _now_ in a room full of high school girls.”

“Sadly for them, I’m already spoken for,” he said, looping his arms around her waist.

“I don’t think they’re going to mind so much.”

“Well _I_ will. And just remember, when you’re laughing at my misery all night, that I did this for _you_.”

She smiled and pulled him in for a kiss. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you."

* * *

“You’re sure you don’t mind?” she asked him for what was probably the tenth time. 

“I’m sure,” Buck insisted. “You go to the new place and start mapping out where you want everything, and we’ll meet you there.”

Moving day was upon them, and she was feeling more than a little guilty that she wasn’t going to the old apartment to help box things up. When she had told Buck that she wasn’t sure how she felt about going in there to pack up, he of course understood and told her not to worry about it. But she was really good at worrying, and not so good at turning it off.

“I just feel bad, leaving you to do all the work.”

“You’re not; Bobby and Chim are coming, and Bobby said Athena would come too if she could. So I’ll have lots of help.”

“I know. I just feel like I’m not pulling my weight.”

“You’ll help us unload when we get there, and someone has to figure out where to put everything.”

“I guess,” she sighed.

He took her in his arms and kissed her softly. “It’s fine, stop stressing about it.”

“Promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Make sure _you_ pack up the stuff in the bedroom. I don’t think either of us wants your friends to stumble on the bottom drawer of the nightstand.”

“Good call, that might be a little awkward. I’ll take the bedroom.”

“And don’t forget to label the boxes with what room they go to. There should be a sharpie or two in that drawer in the kitchen.”

“Got it.”

“And if Athena comes, have her pack the dishes please. No offence, but I’d feel better if she did the breakable stuff.”

“This sounds a lot like you stressing about it.”

“Okay, okay,” she conceded, “I’ll stop. I trust you.”

He kissed her one more time. “I’ll text you when we’re leaving with the truck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bottom drawer is gonna be up to your imaginations for now, maybe I’ll resurrect it in a different fic ;). I think I’m gonna stick with just the epilogue left. As much as I like this fic, I feel like it’s ran its course and it’s time to move on.


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been quite the ride, thanks to everyone who has stuck it out with me! I may do a sequel at some point that would theoretically take place between the previous chapter and this epilogue, but I’m not making any promises… except that I will still be writing more fics, just not necessarily related to this one lol.

* * *

It had been a little over three months since they moved into their new apartment, and life had basically gone back to normal… well, their _new_ normal, she supposed. It still felt strange to her sometimes – not having anyone to take care of – but in those times she tried to remember that she was taking care of _herself_ now. It hadn’t been easy in the beginning, but she was feeling much stronger and more self-sufficient these days. Buck had been amazing through it all, and she was incredibly grateful. He was always there when she needed him, but she could also count on him to be honest with her; she didn’t always want to hear it, but he knew when she needed to. He had also figured out that she needed to be pushed sometimes. Occasionally she wondered if he had spoken to Matt about that, but she never asked.

She saw a therapist now. It had been Carla’s idea. She had called her up shortly after returning home, and they met up once a week for coffee or drinks. One day Carla had handed her a business card for someone who had worked with the families of her clients before and suggested she give it a try. It was definitely helping. Buck was a great listener, but it was also nice to talk it out with someone who was removed from it. It provided a different perspective, and she had also learned some good coping strategies. One of those was her journal: another new thing she did now.

In addition to Carla, she also hung out with Hen and Athena too. They had sort of taken her under their wings and made sure she got out for some fun and girl talk. She suspected the idea had gone from Buck through Bobby to Athena, but at the end of the day, it didn’t matter how it came about. She had started making some new work friends as well, though no one she saw outside of work just yet. But it was still nice to just spend lunch and coffee breaks with someone, or have someone come check on you when they know you took a tough call. She was back working full time, but she had cut back her hours. Now she had one and a half or two days off. As much as she loved her job, she wanted to be sure she didn’t try to use it to fill the void in her life. She was taking some time for herself every week, whether she liked it or not.

On Buck’s advice, she had started going to the gym with him a few days a week as well and was swimming again. She had forgotten how much she loved it, and she found it helped clear her head. Every so often he would come and time her, and she was pleased with her improvement so far. At first she had been a little dismayed with how out of shape she was, but once she let go of that and focused on just enjoying the workout, things had started to turn around. He had challenged her to a race last week and despite his obvious physical advantage, she hadn’t been too far behind. She was fairly confident that in another month or two, she would be able to beat him.

They had also become cat owners recently, though she wasn’t big on the idea at first. In her defense, they hadn’t actually _talked_ about getting cat, she just came home one day to find one sleeping on the couch beside a sheepish-looking Buck. He claimed it followed him home, which of course she didn’t believe… until she heard the whole story, anyways. Apparently it wasn’t _entirely_ untrue. To his credit, he actually had texted her first and asked if she was allergic to cats, which in hindsight should have been a big red flag. She had to admit though: he was a pretty cool cat. And it was kind of nice to have someone come greet her at the door if she came home while Buck was still at work. Even if he only came to see her because he wanted food.

If you had asked her four months ago where she would be today, almost none of this would have been part of her answer. Actually, she’s not sure she could have even answered that question. Her life had seemed so upside down and confusing then. She wasn’t typically the kind of person who bought into things like “everything happens for a reason”, but she couldn’t help but speculate if she was meant to cross paths with Buck. She never would have pictured him in her life either, but she wasn’t sure how she would have found her way through this without him. They were each exactly what the other needed and they came together at just the right time, and that seemed like a pretty big coincidence. Fated or not, they had somehow weathered everything together so far, and she wouldn’t trade what they had for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s all, folks! Side note: the cat idea is actually from a video I saw on Facebook about “Flame the Firehouse Cat”, if anyone else likes cat videos lol.


End file.
